Total Drama NFL

I Triple Dog Dare You

Marla: [over loudspeaker] Campers! Welcome to the semifinals! Today, we reward our challengers with an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast. That's right, genuine food bi-products served with fresh ingredients relatively close to their expiration dates.

Minutes later...

Marla: Campers. Welcome to the semifinals. The producers ran out of insane ways of torturing you, so... they asked the ousted campers for ideas. Turns out they had a lot. They provided us with the sickest, most twisted and insane dares imaginable in this version of... Spin the Bottle! Starting with... Izzy! Cheyenne! Dallas! Trent! Cody! Justin! Noah! Leshawna! Lindsay! Beth! Tyler! Harold! DJ! Geoff! Bridgette! Duncan! Courtney! Eva! Katie and Sadie. And the home-schooled, misogynistic country boy, Ezekiel. Put 'em all together, and we've got a high stakes game of... I Triple Dog Dare You!

Heather: What is this, grade five? Why don't we just do seven minutes of heaven in a skanky basement closet?

Owen: Yeah! Good call! Let's do it! Ow!

Marla: Each player will take turns spinning the bottle. The camper you land on determines the dare you'll perform. You can take the dare yourself and win a get-out-of-dare-freebie or inflict the dare on a fellow camper in hopes of booting them out.

Heather: And if we refused to do the dare?

Maverine: Oh. Not a good option. Anyone who chickens out of their dare will be sent directly to the Hall of Shame, board the Boat of Losers. Do not go to bonfire. Do not collect marshmallow. And do not get to win $100,000.

Marla: Okay. Who's ready to humiliate themselves first?

Gwen: Oh, what the heck. Let's get this over with.

Marla: Okay. Let's get this party started! Duncan's dare. Lick Owen's armpit. Gwen, you can perform the dare yourself, or dare one of your competitors to do it. [chuckles] Either way, someone's licking some armpit in the next minute.

Gwen: I triple dog dare Heather.

Owen: You could imagine that you're licking an ice cream cone.

Heather: Shut up, Owen!

Owen: Minus the BO.

Heather: I'm warning you!

Owen: Oh, and the pit hair.

Maverine: Oh, man! That was so sick! I nearly puked! Nearly.

Marla: Ezekiel's dare is... Chew your own toenail. Slowly.

Heather: Gwen! I dare Gwen. Don't choke on it, honey. Uh uh uh. He said chew it slowly.

Gwen: [gulps] There. Satisfied?

Heather: Very. I'm just picturing Trent watching this. And something tells me he won't be eager to lock lips with you anytime soon.

Gwen: You should talk, pit breath.

Marla: Beth. Re-chewing a wad of Harold's gum.

Owen: I will take the dare!

Gwen and Heather: Ew!

Maverine: Dude. It's chewed gum. Harold's chewed gum.

Owen: I know. But it must be pretty special if he's saving it. Mm. Full body. A delicate fruity aroma with a hint of citrus. Hahaha. Robust, yet balanced. Ooh! Summery. Ooh! And a crunchy center.  Woohoo!

Marla: Owen wins the first freebie! And a tetanus shot! If you want.

Owen: Nah, I'm good. Thanks.

Marla: Welcome back to the semifinals, in a challenge we like to call I Triple Dog Dare You! Gwen, you're up next. Cody's dare is, drop a tray of ice into your undies and let 'em melt.