30 Reasons To Die [#1]

Reason 24 || Desiree ||

Dedicated to @Art_stained cause her comments are perfection!

EY! #9 in Short Stories yeaaa

Whoo! 35k+ and 2k votes and 1k comments ily guys!

Song for the Reason: Riptide by Vance Joy

Goal: 500 reads, 50 votes, 50 comments (BIG 5'S CAUSE I BELIEVE IN Y'ALL)

A/N: So some people have been saying that my story is like 13 Reasons Why. GUess what they only made it to the Prologue. So I put an AN there and I changed it a little bit. Because this pisses me off because none of these reasons have ANYTHING to do with the book. ARGHHHH, anyway, enjoy the next chappie!

Reason 24 || Desiree ||

You all remember Jax?

The kid who made me starve?

Yup, that kid.

I'm not sure how you felt about him but let me tell you, Desiree was pissed at this guy.

But Desiree's solution wasn't a very good one.

I"m just going to get straight to the point because my hand is shaking while writing this. 6 more days till I kill myself.

So, I told Desiree when we were in eighth grade. 

You got so pissed it looked like you had steam coming out of your face and you came up with an idea.

An idea that changed my life forever.

See where this is going? No. Well, keep reading.

You know to starve myself was never my idea. I give all the credit to Desiree, cause you no #noplagiraism. 

She showed me how to eat less and how to throw up. It was hard.

I was hungry at random parts of the day but you were always there.

Some may say it was a blessing to have someone there by your side, but what happens if it was the devil helping you?

After I had lost a good two points, you signaled the start of phase two "Bulimia".

This was even harder than starving myself.

Because if you're not eating anything then how do you throw up?

It was insanely hard.

Desiree took me to the bathroom of her house and told me to push down on my tongue as hard as I could until I gag.

I tried. And I tried. And I tried.

It was too hard, there was no way I could do it.

You stood there as tears started pouring down my face.

You told me to keep trying.

So I tried again and I gagged, but nothing came out.

Why? Why was it so hard for me to lose weight?

Why were yout trying to pressure me into doing this?

After a few more weeks, I finally got the hang of it. I needed a little bit of practice and as soon as I had done so.

You smiled and said that you were proud of me.

How can you be proud of killing someone?

I hated myself more than I did in the beginning.

Now I was anorexic, depressed and bulimic.

All because of you.

I never had the courage to say no to you because I had no idea what you would do to me and I still don't know what you would do to me.

I wish I hadn't listened to you and maybe the riptide wouldn't have come to get me.

How I hate myself for letting you kill me.

Love,

Cath the kid who couldn't say no