Hermitcraft Oneshots and Other Things I guess

Incorrect Quotes

Okay, so... lots of these were already up in my chaos book, but I decided to start putting them here. If you've already seen them in the chaos book, don't leave yet because I have some new ones!

Enjoy!

Hels and Alex: *burst into the room*
Hels: "XISUMA, I KNOW THIS IS HARD TO HEAR, BUT I AM DATING YOUR BROTHER!"
Xisuma: "Oh, that's fine-"
<Xisumavoid was slain by Helsknight>
Hels: "WHOOPS"

Mumbo: "Why are you smiling?"
Grian: "Can't I just smile because I feel like it?"
Scar: "Iskall tripped and fell over in the parking lot."

Grian: *going out*
Mumbo: "Before you go, what's rule number one?"
Grian: "Anything is legal, as long as the hYYyYYeP aren't there."
Mumbo: "No, whaT-"
Iskall: "Good job, Gri."

Xisuma: "If you guys have any suggestions, you can put them in my suggestion box!"
Tango: "But... that's a trash can."
Xisuma: "Exactly. I can only take so much."

Impulse, mad at himself because he messed up: "Punch me in the face."
Tango: "...Punch you?"
Impulse: "Yes, in the face! Didn't you hear me?"
Tango: "Oh, I always hear 'punch me in the face' when you're talking, but it's usually subtext."

Bdubs: "Why are you so rude to me?"
Doc: "Sorry, no one taught me how to act around perfection."
Bdubs: "What"
Doc: "What"

Iskall: "REN MOVE OVER YOU'RE BLOCKING THE VIEW!"
Ren: "Baby, I am the view."
Iskall: ...

Stress: "Imagine if someone handed you a box, and it was full of all the things you lost throughout your life!"
Xisuma: "My will to live! I haven't seen this in years!"
Mumbo: "Mental stability, my old friend!"
Grian: "Oh, I knew I lost that potential somewhere! Thank you for finding this!"
Stress: ...
Stress: "Guys, can you lighten up a little?"

Stress: "Okay, do you have any skeletons in the closet you'd like to tell me about?"
False: "Literal or figurative?"
Stress: "Honestly, the fact that I have to specify..."

Police officer: "Sir, you are under arrest for driving ten people on a motorcycle." 
Grian, doing math on his fingers: *freezes*
Grian: "Did- Did you say ten?" 
Officer: "Yes, ten! Now-"
Grian: "OH SHOOT-"
Officer: "...sir?"
Grian: "TANGO FELL OFF"

Genie: "Tango, I shall grant you three wishes."
Tango: "I wish for more wishes."
Genie: "You can't wish like that."
Tango: "I wish I could wish like that."
Genie: "That's not how wishes work."
Tango: "I wish that were how wishes worked."
Genie: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU-"

Xisuma: "Impulse?"
Xisuma: "Care to explain what's going on?"
Impulse: "Erm... well... it's a long story..."
Xisuma: "I have time."
Impulse: "Okay, so Tango and Zed had this idea-"
Xisuma: "Got it. Forget I asked."

False: "Xisuma wants to have a 'talk' with me."
Stress: "What? What did you do?!"
False: "Erm... so Xisuma said that we had to hand over all our sharp items."
False: "And Ren said 'Well, I guess I'll have to hand my wit over.'"
False: "And I couldn't help myself..."
False: "So I responded with 'You can't hand over what you don't have.'"
Stress: "NO YOU DID NOT."
False: "Now Xisuma wants to have a conversation about being nice to each other."

Tango: "Hey Impy, have you seen Zed?"
Impulse: "Don't call me that."
Tango: "What? Impy?"
Impulse: "Tango. Stop."
Tango: "Maybe I should tell Grian to start calling you that..."
Impulse: "If you do that I will make you wish you were dead."
Impulse: "I dare you to call me that one more time."
Tango: "Impy."
Impulse: "REALLY TANGO REALLY?!"

<Ethoslab> BDUBS HAVE YOU SEEN BEEF?
<Ethoslab> HE COVERED MY ROOM'S CEILING WITH MISTLETOE
<Ethoslab> AND NOW I'M AFRAID TO GO IN THERE IN CASE HE'S THERE
<BdoubleO100> okay, I'll call him
<BdoubleO100> he didn't answer
<Ethoslab> I HEARD RINGING IN MY BEDROOM
<Ethoslab> AND 'WHAT THE HECK WHO'S CALLING ME HANG UP HANG UP-'
<BdoubleO100> OOOO I have an idea. Let's send Doc in.

False: "Ren, why do you have a bow on your head?"
Ren: "I'm a gift to this world, Falsie. Obviously."
False: "Hmm, looks like I didn't get what I asked for."

Doc: "I had a dream about you."
Ren: "Aww, really?"
Doc: "You died."

Grian: *slaps Mumbo, then Scar*
Grian: "I LIKE STRESS!"
Stress: "Wha--"
Grian: *grabs Stress's hand and stomps off, dragging her with him, leaving Scar and Mumbo standing in shock*

Hels: "I need motivation not to kill anyone today."
Alex: "If you get banned, we can't finish our pillow fort."

Okay, that's it! Woo! I'm done! XD

-Storm