Remember This✔

Chapter Thirty-Six

Charlie is relieved when Friday comes. He's managed to avoid speaking to Molly for three whole days. However, he can't quite escape hearing about her. The first time he hears about it is in first period, the second time is in second period, and all throughout the day the news that Jack has asked Molly to the party tomorrow night is hot on every girl's lips. She isn't the only one they're talking about, they seem to gossip about all potential couples which makes Charlie wonder if any of it is even true. He warned Perry that this would happen if he invited Camilla but Perry doesn't seem to care that his house will be taken over by high school seniors. The days are quieter without Camilla around, according to other gossip, she's been suspended. Knowing how strict her parents are it'd surprise Charlie if they even allowed her to leave the house tomorrow.

He said he'd help Perry set the party up but Charlie doesn't plan on sticking around. Aubrey will be there and she seems to think they're going together. Between Aubrey, Camilla, Molly and Lauren, Charlie is exhausted with playing out the fireworks. He hopes Perry realizes that he's created a battleground.

While walking to his car Charlie spots Molly and Jack on the grass. They're sitting on a blanket and Molly seems to be absorbed by him. He's spoken to Jack a few times and he's a nice guy which makes it ten times worse.

Everything was so much easier when she was in hospital, when she would talk to him, when she would sacrifice the darkest parts of herself to him, now it's all backwards. Jack doesn't know what she's been through, he doesn't see the hurt behind her eyes whenever she smiles and puts on a brave face to the world. He will never know how much strength it takes to care for someone that can't care for themselves.

Charlie angrily sits in his car and starts the engine. After everything, everything, that he's done for her how could she act like he doesn't exist? His rage takes him back to the bridge, to the place it all began. He parks his car at the side of the street and he walks halfway along the bridge, pausing at the railing. He jumps up onto the ledge and he tries to find answers in the water far below. Hundreds of cars pass him in the several hours that he sits there. He ignores the calls from his mother, not bothered that he's missed the afternoon at school. This suddenly feels more important.

From the start all he wanted was to go home. He didn't want to be the one that saw her, that intervened, he didn't want to be the only friend she had. But the more he looks back the more he realizes he was the only thing she had. She clung to that because there was no one else, she needed him because he saw past her damage and her pain. Now she doesn't need him anymore, now she has everything that she didn't have before, she has a chance.

What if that's enough? What if the feelings he has for her are just a longing for her to be okay and nothing more? He's never been great at recognizing his emotions or expressing them and the closest he came was that night downtown.

He jumps down and starts walking back to his car. The sky is starting to darken and by the time he gets home he's wishing for this day to end. He shuts the front door and heads straight for the staircase.

"Charlie?" his mother calls as she runs from the kitchen. "Where have you been? I know that you skipped school."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you coming down for dinner?"

"I'm not hungry."

He shuts his door and sits on his bed with his head in his hands. He hears his door open and he groans.

"I said I don't want to talk about it!"

His eyes are wide as he glares at the door, but they soften when he sees that it's Jaz. She approaches him timidly.

"Why are you yelling?" she says.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you," Charlie says. "It's just not a good time right now."

"You're in a bad mood a lot lately. I liked it better when you were nicer."

"Yeah, me too. I'll always be nice to you though, you know that."

"I guess," Jaz sighs and drops beside him. "Mum's really mad."

"I know. I'll clear things with her tomorrow."

"You want to come play on my new game? It's car racing, it's cool."

"Alright," Charlie says. "But don't start crying when I beat you."

Jaz rolls her eyes. "As if. I'm nine now, I don't cry anymore."

"If you say so."

They play on Jaz's game console for a while. Charlie hasn't spent much time with her over the last few weeks and he had forgotten how much he enjoyed it. Despite his distance she never holds resentment and he wishes he could be more like his sister. She takes her losses gracefully, she doesn't mourn or get mad, she just moves on to the next game and tries again. If only real life was as simple as a video game then Charlie might actually appreciate the loss, but losing Molly, letting her go, is the one 'game over' that threatens to make everything harder.