Remember This✔

Chapter Seventeen

"Why don't we start with that night? Are you comfortable talking about it?" the doctor, Alan, asks Molly while balancing a pad of paper on his knee. "It's important that I know everything when I make my assessment."

"You already know everything," Molly whispers. "Everyone knows what happened to me."

"Hearing your account is crucial to-"

"My parents were murdered!" Molly yells. "Is that the answer you're looking for? My mother, father and sister were killed in our own home. Do I need to go into detail about how I felt about that?"

Molly's outburst doesn't phase the doctor. He's trained for them. She's angry and he'll feed off of that like every other therapist she's seen.

"I'm not interested in how you felt," he says candidly. "I'm interested in how you feel."

"It still hurts. Shocking isn't it?" she hisses.

"Is that why you were on the bridge last night?"

"I didn't jump."

"I didn't ask if you jumped."

Molly grins and folds her arms. She turns and looks at the window to calm herself, knowing getting worked up won't help her situation. It's true that relaying memories of that night hurts her but she's hurting anyway. It makes no difference.

"I lost my family," Molly says. "I lost my life. I go through dark times but last night wasn't one of them. Last night I felt peace on that bridge. For a minute, just a minute, it didn't hurt anymore."

"Is that because you were going to end your life?"

"No," she says. "It's because I was finally ready to let them go. I was on that bridge because I was trying to find a way to say goodbye. I slipped and I fell."

"There was a witness that reported something different," he says. "One of you is lying."

Molly clenches her teeth. "He is."

Alan smiles for a moment. "If your version is true then he saved your life last night and you don't seem that grateful."

"Not much of a life to save," she mutters. "There isn't much of one for you to save either."

"I don't believe that."

Molly laughs. "Of course you don't, you're a doctor. You look for life in people, you don't really see the other side do you?"

"You want me to look at you and see death?"

Molly nods. It's the truth. Even she isn't a good enough liar to disguise it. Death follows her, it's all around her. It is her past, it is her future and it doesn't relent. This is one topic that Helen could never break through. Molly doesn't have an explanation for it, she doesn't understand it herself. All she knows is that death is inside of her, it is in her memories and it is turning her heart cold.

"I won't do that," he says. "Even in adults, survivor's guilt is a major factor in-"

Molly rolls her eyes. "I've been in therapy for four years," she says. "Whatever you're about to say, I've heard it. I've heard it all. Save your breath."

"Survivor's guilt is a major factor in death envy," he finishes.

Molly looks at him and she almost smiles. "Well, I've never heard that," she mutters.

"Some that experience survivor's guilt become isolated and torture themselves with guilt over and over. Whereas others in rare cases envy those that have died because they have been left behind. And with that envy they wish to put things right and join them."