Bulla Aurea Puerorum

What Comes Next.

What Comes Next.

I couldn't fall asleep that night. The image of Eddie's broken face kept flashing infront of me, staining my eyes with the pain upon it. My eyes had itched with sleep, but I stared blankly up at the ceiling the entire night. It had to be one of the worst feelings- breaking someone's heart. Second, to having your heart broken. All night long I had had to force myself to think of anything but how Eddie might feel.

And before I knew it, before I could fully understand everything that was happening, time skipped. Everything felt blurred and smudged, eating and studying with just Lucy, walking back
from class with just Lucy, not going to watch Quidditch practices every Thursday night. By the time I could take in having an absence of 'Edwardimum' (the word now calling a lump to my throat), it was December 17th, and the train would be coming to collect students for break that morning.

I woke up with a start that morning, the familiar dream waving in and out of my reality. Every night for the past 2 weeks, I'd dreamed of myself standing in the pouring rain, like that day in November, while around me, those I loved and those who had hurt me called me all the things I thought badly of myself.

"Heartless." Ginny's voice whispered in my ear.

"Worthless." Lucy called to me, the echo reverberating through my head.

"Bitch." Mrs. Weasley said.

"Selfish." Eddie sneared, tears falling down his face.

"Faggot Mudblood" That Slytherin boy yelled.

"Stupid child." My mother beat me.

"Bloody slut." My father spat.

This morning was no different. I woke up panting, my heart doing hurdles and my stomach clenched tightly into a knot.

*

"You have to stop beating yourself up over it," Lucy told me at breakfast later, as I lazily played with my porridge.

"I can't. First Ginny, now Eddie?" I whispered.

Lucy frowned sadly, and looked over to the Gryffindor table. Her eyes met with the warm brown eyes of one particularly worried girl sitting there.
A silent exchange between them caused Lucy's eyes to snap back to me and the redhead to readjust herself on her seat awkwardly.

I looked down the table to where Eddie, who looked even worse than I did, sat with Hannah and Susan, his arms folded infront of him on the table and his chin resting on top. Hannah looked at him from across her steak and eggs worryingly. She knew as well as the next person how much pain Eddie was in. Her cheeks burned as she thought of the blonde haired, awkward Gryffindor she couldn't seem to forget about, even if he'd made it clear he wasn't interested. Her eyes watered as she thought of her friend feeling the same.

"Christmas Holidays, at least." Lucy attempted at making me feel better. My eyes went back to her face.

"I think I'm staying here. After everything, I doubt Ginny wants me there."

As if her name had been a beacon, a familiar voice sounded over my shoulder.

"I want you home for Christmas." Ginny said. We hadn't spoken a lick since that night before everything went to ruins. Her voice was almost like a sweet relief.

Lucy awkwardly cleared her throat and opened her textbook as if to excuse herself from the conversation.

"Y-you do?" I stuttered.

"Of course. You can't bloody well go to your parents house can you? And I won't have you stay here all alone."

"Right."

"Anyway. I just came over to -er- let you know that I've stopped being stupid. And that I'm sorry. I miss you, Ophelia." It was the most vulnerable I'd ever seen Ginny look. It surprised me, the way her eyes nervously traced the pattern of the wood table.

"You don't need to apologize. Really. " I clarified when she tried to protest.

"I shouldn't have pushed you away. I'm not usually one to care what people think but I was just upset. I regretted it the moment I said it."

"It's fine." I promised.

And it was. I was honestly just glad that we would be made up before having to sleep together in the same room for two weeks. The thought of being with her, just her, without counting her 9 other family members, made my stomach do nervous backflips. An almost anticipation for something I didn't know was going to happen.

The rest of the morning went by fairly quickly and cleanly. I was as happy as could be with the thought of being with Ginny at the Burrow. It wasn't until Lucy had forced me to pack for the train that things went south. I was just double checking that I had everything, when I pulled out the jumper I wore to every Quidditch practice. It was the bulky, maroon, knitted one that I'd stolen from Eddie at some point in October. I felt guilty for still having it, especialy under these circumstances, and gathered up my courage to return it.

I heard the blood pounding in my ears as I became increasingly more nervous the closer I got to Eddie's dorm room. I heard the knock on the oak as if from another plane of exsistance. I took in his surprised face at my standing there rather numbly, trying not to let the nightmares overtake my mind. His broken face from my dreams swirled infront of my vision.

I didn't feel truly a part of reality until I left Eddie's tired face behind and heard the crash that resounded through the hall, pushing against my back.

The entire house heard that crash. Some from their dorms, others from the common room. I stood blankly in the hallway, hearing the sounds echoing from the door I had just closed.
Just down the hall, my own room, Lucy's head poked out from the doorway. Worry creased her face as she realized where the crashing had come from. She quickly jumped into the hall, shutting the door behind her and running towards me.

"What's going on?" She breathed.

"I- I don't know. I went to give something back to Eddie and then-"

Her eyebrows immediately furrowed and she pushed past me, towards his room. I walked numbly down the hall, pausing for a moment at my door to look back at Lucy disappearing into the room.

Lucy's hand flew over her mouth when she stepped over the threshold. Eddie sat in the middle of the floor, head tucked between his knees and arms wrapped about them tightly. Around him, glass shards covered the floor, each piece reflecting the dark ceiling. Broken slivers of wood were mixed with the bits of shattered mirrors, thanks to the four poster frame that had been snapped from the middle. The curtain was pooled on the floor around Eddie.

His knuckles were cut and deeply bruised, dark red blood dripping onto his white converse and over his wrist onto the floor.

She sank to the floor in front of him, kneeling on the glass. She felt it poking through her tights but she couldn't have cared less.

"Eddie." She whispered.

He wasn't crying. He was trying to calm himself down from whatever had come over him. He was never one for anger issues or violence of any kind. But the shattered remains around him showed otherwise.

It was just something in my face as I returned his sweater that hurt more than the words "I can't love you," ever could.

And that look followed him out of Hogwarts, onto the train, and through Kings Cross station.