Wheels Down in 30

~ everyone copes differently ~

~ i'm not one to fuck up, so don't you dare try to make me start ~

"Darling if you need a hoodie I can buy you one." Aaron muttered, eyeing me as I pull his on. I had received a very eventful welcome from the man and was glad that it was a Saturday and I didn't have to go to work tomorrow. I was fucking sore.

I glance back at him briefly but don't deter from my actions, "It smells like you, that's why I'm wearing it. Plus you destroyed my ability to walk with that fucking dick and I wanna be comfortable. Deal." I climb back into bed between Aaron's legs, my back against his stomach.

"You still a sucker for forehead kisses?" He murmurs into my hair, wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me further against him.

"Most definitely." I respond, picking up his hands, studying them.

"You're not drinking again are you?" My voice was gentle when I asked and I didn't dare look at him knowing he hated eye contact when he feels guilty.

"You can tell from my hand?"

I shake my head causing him to lift his chin from on top of it, "No. When you were saying goodnight to Haley with Jack I had went to look for some wine, that's what I was doing when you decided I needed a 'proper welcome'" I attempt to copy his voice causing him to chuckle slightly, "I just realized that the cupboard had some whiskey in it and remembered that I had gotten rid of all the alcohol after that one incident."

It was a rough case and he had drank to much after words. He didn't lay a hand on me but he yelled a lot. It woke Jack up and we had to spend the night at Emily's. Aaron felt so bad and after it happened three more times I told him he needed to get some help. He agreed after seeing how much I was worried about him and stopped drinking, he slipped up once or twice but when I had left he was sober for 8 months.

Aaron kisses my head gently as I play with his hand waiting for a response. "It's not bad. I mean I- Jacks never home when I have a drink."

I listen to him not saying anything as he explains himself, playing footsies with me, "It got bad for awhile but Rossi had found out and made me take a couple days off. Morgan found out when he came to pick up paperwork. We haven't really talked sense, I'm unsure if he still respects me you know, like how could you respect someone after seeing them like he saw me?"

I turn around in his lap, smiling gently at him, "Do you respect Spencer?" He nods, "Does the team?" He nods again, "Aaron this job is tough. JJ has a husband to keep her grounded, children to keep herself together for. Rossi spends his life with one night stands and whiskey to distract himself from the horrors he has faced. Derek tries to repurpose his negative energy into to positive and build houses to decompress. Spencer reads and it used to be fiction so he could escape but now he no longer can and fills his head with knowledge because that's easier than coming back to reality and realizing that the world is fucked up. Emily cries herself to sleep half of the time and the other half she is to tired to. I have you, even when we were not together or talking or even liking each other I have you and our memories and Jack and Eve. Everyone copes differently Aaron, if anyone would understand that it's the team. If anything Derek respects you the most, don't think for one second that any of that respect towards you is gone because you're having a tough time."

Aaron didn't respond and instead buried his face in my neck, falling asleep soon after. I was uncomfortable but not really, I missed this. I missed him.

*

I felt awkward, like I was the unwelcome as when I first came to the bullpen. Everyone worked around one another in perfect harmony, paperwork getting done, jokes being made. I sat awkwardly in my old office since they never hired someone new never really needing to, staring at my phone waiting for Clyde to call. He had a weird way of knowing when I needed information.

Eve was hanging out with Garcia and I was sipping on my 6th cup of coffee, I fucking hated Mondays, sifting through paperwork. Some of these cases where still here from when I worked here making shake my head.

Someone knocked on the door and I glanced up, meeting Dereks eyes, "Hey Faye Fairy," I nodded letting him know he could come in, "We lost you. I thought you went home."

I shake my head, "No I'm waiting for Clyde to call he-"

"Clyde the narcissistic."

"Yes, he needs to give me some information."

"What kind?"

"Classified."

He nods awkwardly, "Uh well we were going to go out for lunch, I just wanted to see if you wanted to come."

I shake my head, "No thank you." I mutter, turning my attention back towards the paperwork in front of me.

Morgan's silent for a moment before he walks into the office shutting the door behind him, "I knew." He muttered, taking a seat in front of me.

I glance up at him briefly, "You knew?"

"About you being pregnant." That caught my attention and I looked up at him completely, "I knew and I didn't say anything because I was hoping you would stay. That you would change your mind and stay with Hotch. You make him happy. I guess in my mind I thought that a baby would change your decision but when you left I realized that the baby had made your decision. And then I was mad at Hotch, and myself, Strauss, everyone I could be. Even your kid. Everyone but you because I couldn't bring myself to be mad at something we caused, I caused."

It was silent for a moment and I raised an eyebrow at him, "I guess I'm just asking are you going to leave again. Because we let you go once Faye, I highly doubt we'll do it again, profilers have a knack for not making the same mistakes twice. And Hotch might love you enough to let you go but we love you enough to refuse to let you go. You make us better Danielle, you make Hotch better."

I shake my head gently, "I don't belong here Morgan, I never did. I don't hold anything against you guys but I can't be in a place that I don't deserve to be at." My words were brisk as I stood from my desk, "I promised Jack I would take him to lunch today so if you'd excuse me." It was a lie and Morgan knew it but he none the less smiled at me gently and left the room.