Wheels Down in 30

~ wine or tequila fucked up ~

~ watch me as my world burns down, you kicked me down and stole my crown, though my heart is telling me to go, i just gotta let you know, that you sunk my ship and then you let me drown ~

I've always loved the smell of rain. I think it might have been because it reminded me of something new. Something brand new yet so easily tainted. It was something realistic. I think everything around me had always been fake, untrue, and I focused on storms, rain storms, to remind me that everything, everyone, starts out clean, untainted. Like children.

The interrogation was ever uneventful, Dave and Aaron playing good cop bad cop acting like I haven't seen them interrogate someone before. In the end, they got nothing and I got cut loose. As loose as someone can get cut with a surveillance team of her own 'friends' following them around. Hence why I'm currently standing in the rain, waiting for one of them to get the balls to finally talk to me.

"I'm assuming I've lost the privilege of calling you Dani?"

I don't turn towards the voice, instead I keep my stare forward, "You know, when I got this job I looked up to so much. I wanted to be that successful someday. I wanted-" I pause, taking in a deep breath to keep in my tears, "I wanted to be that close to everyone. To have a family. People who actually cared."

"D-"

"Do you know how much it sucks to finally put all your trust in this group of people only for everything to be some big lie." I laugh humorously, "And even if none of you wanted to, the fact that you all stood idly by well I slowly let people in, well I- God Rossi I loved him and maybe that's my fault but I-" I admit. A salty warm tear falls down my cheek breaking the dam of emotions. I love him.

I shake my head, willing the tears to stop, "God this is like a very cheesy fucking fucked up movie that I had to watch in a chilly cinema."

David stays silent, moving as if he was going to hug me. I avoid his arms and shake my head, the rain pouring over us heavily. "Ya'll deserve a fucking Grammy, your acting skills are spectacular." I mumble, "And I get it, okay, it was his job, your job, everyone's job not to tell me. But I can't do my job anymore. I can't be around people who won't bat an eyelash when someone who doesn't deserve it will get hurt. I'll never take a job where I have to do it at someone else's expense. So I quit. It's not like I deserved the job anyway."

David stares at me quietly, not sure how to respond. I force a smile on my face, "It was... lovely to know you David." I say, "Act or not you're the closest thing to a dad I ever had so, thank you for that." I admit, kissing him lightly on the cheek, walking away without another word. Derek and Spencer stood outside of their car in the rain, starring at me. I send them both a smile, walking past them to my car.

The second my car door was shut behind me, I let out a choked sob, trying to pull myself together. God this was bigger then anyone would have thought. Could have thought. I reverse out of the parking lot I was in and drive to Emily's as fast as I can. I can't believe I let this happen.

*

Walking in Emily's door with a haste, I shut it quickly behind me, another choked sob wracking my body. Glancing to the living room I notice JJ and Emily both sitting on Em's couch, looking at me with worry. Emily sighs standing up, "Is this a wine or tequila problem?" she asks, walking towards the mini bar in the corner of her living room.

I shake my head, not moving from my spot in front of the door, "I'm leaving." I announce. Both girls heads snap towards me, shock on their faces. I was holding in tears, my breath held so I wouldn't sob. This was so fucked up. "God this is so fucked up!" I exclaim out loud. So so fucked up.

"Wine or Tequila fucked up?"

I cover my mouth with my hand, willing myself to calm down. "Soda fucked up." I whisper out, though both women heard me. JJ registered what I said quicker then Emily.

"Dude I can drive you wherever don't worry about being drunk it-" she cuts herself off, calmly placing the tequila back down on the mini bars counter. She turns towards me, "Oh."

I shake my head, "This is- why? I just- I just want everything to just stop for a second. It just won't stop." I whimper slightly, tears falling freely down my face and over my hand that was still cupped over my mouth in a useless attempt to hold back my sobs. JJ looks at Emily quickly before walking over to me, helping my up and too the couch.

Sitting on the arm rest, she looks down at me, not saying a word. Instead she goes into mom mode and just lightly rubs my back, calming me down slowly. Emily just stays silent, knowing she wouldn't be much help. After a couple of minutes of silence, JJ finally speaks causing me to look up at her, "Damn your life is ever eventful isn't it?" she asks trying to lighten the mood.

I smile slightly, looking back down at my lap, "Ya, eventful for sure." I mumble, my smile dropping.

Emily walks back over, some drink in her hand, "Mojito Spritzer," she explains when I send her a pointed look, "I assume the soda statement is because your, you know..." she trails off.

"Pregnant, ya, my life's fucked."

Emily laughs slightly, "It's kind of like a really depressing movie, were you just want to climb through the tv to give the main character a hug." she jokes lightly.

I smile at her, taking a sip of the mijottie splagottie fancy shit she gave me, "Hug me and I'll shoot you."

Emily laughs, "Do you even have your gun on you?" she asks.

I raise a eyebrow at her, "Yes. One in my bag the other on my ankle." I admit. She chuckles slightly, JJ shaking her head.

"I did it too, you'd be surprised how many threats a communication liaisons get."

Emily laughs, "Your not serious?" she asks, her amusement clear.

Jennifer nods, "Ya it-" she stops talking, looking down at me, "You are going to quit aren't you?" she asks.

I swallow thickly, clearing my throat, "I already did. I think it's best for me and for you know." I attempt to explain my reasoning.

Emily shakes her head, "But Hotch-"

I shake my head, "I'm not doing it as some last attempt to hurt him I just- I can't- he didn't- it-" I let out a deep breath, "I was job. A unsub if you will. He already has Jack and its, everything's too complicated. He doesn't need this drama."

JJ shakes her head, "It's a child not drama."

I force out another breath, "I know that. Just- I'm not looking for you guys to understand or agree with me but I- I need to pack. I can't stay here, in Virginia. I'm moving, I'm going back to London. I got a job offer in Interpol and they agreed to give me a year and a half of PTO so.."

Both women don't dare say anything. I clear my throat again causing Emily to finally talk, "I'll go start with your stuff, most of it's already packed from Hotch's." she states, standing up.

JJ stands to going to follow her but stopping to turn back to me slightly, "I'm assuming you don't want is telling Aaron?"

I make eye contact with her but break it right away, knowing that it was a horrible thing to ask. I nod slightly sealing my fate. God this was so fucked up.