MY BIG FAT ROMANCE [under major revision]

PROLOUGE

Today is my parent's 45th wedding anniversary kaya maraming tao dito sa bahay. Busy ang lahat sa paghahanda ng mga pagkain for the small celebration. The environment gives off festive and cheerful vibes. Yet, my heart is not in concordance with my surroundings; it has been bruised.

Katatapos ko lang makipag-usap sa kakaunting bisita ni papa kaya naisipan kong pumunta muna sa aming maliit na garden para magliwaliw.

With a canned beer in one hand, I merely sit in the wooden handmade chair and stare at the small rock fountain where water flows endlessly.

I snatch a deep breath the moment I feel a pang in my chest. The agony is still there; the scars are still fresh.

Anyway, I should be the one to blame for speculating and taking a risk kahit alam ko naman na una pa lang malabo niya na akong magustuhan.

From the looks I have? I mean, who would be interested in me? No one.

"Lauryn?" a familiar voice calls my name. My feet are chained to the ground as I hear footsteps approaching me.

Gusto kong tumakbo, gusto kong magtago, gusto kong isipin na sana mali lang ang pandinig ko.

Though when I turn back, I see what I was praying not to see.

It's him, looking at me with those anxious glassy brown eyes.

May naramdaman akong kirot sa puso ko nang muling masilayan ang mukha ng taong kailanman ay hindi mapapasa-akin.

Alam ko naman noong una pa lang eh pero bakit masakit pa rin?

"W-why are you here?" pautal kong tanong.

I want to be away from him; I want him out of my sight, dahil alam ko na sa sarili ko na walang patutunguhan ang lahat ng ito.

It's all fake; mere lies. It's merely a part of a game, a game that I wish I wasn't.

"Just want to get some fresh air. I didn't expect to see you here." Pagpapaliwanag niya. Ngumiti ako ng mapakla nang maisip na baka isa siya sa mga anak ng bisita ni Papa, small world.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" his eyes are trying to persuade me, though I cannot think about it right now because the last time I believed him, I was left shattered into pieces.

Umiling ako, "Sorry, they need me inside. I have to go." Tanggi ko sa kaniya, hinigpitan ko ang hawak ko sa canned beer at doon humugot ng lakas upang humakbang.

Kung magtatagal pa ako roon ay baka hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili na yakapin siya.

Hindi pa man ako gaanong nakakalayo nang magsalita ulit siya.

"I-I'm s-sorry."

I cannot bear it any longer. A million blades have just pierced through me, hindi dahil galit ako sa kaniya kundi dahil hindi ang mga salitang iyon ang gusto kong marinig!

I bite my lower lip to keep myself from bursting into tears and glance back, "It's okay," I paste a fake smile on my face.

"Lauryn, p-please let me explain," he insists, his voice cracking as he holds my hand.

Lumingon ako sa kaniya at doon na nag-umpisang dumaloy ang aking mga luha bago ko kinalas ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa'kin.

"Ano pa ba ang gusto mong e-explain? Ano pa bang gustong mong marinig ko! Alam ko naman eh. Alam ko naman na pinaglalaruan niyo lang ako. Putangina! Ginawa niyo akong tanga!" hindi ko na napigilan ang mga salitang namutawi sa bibig ko.

"Ano? Do you want me to act like an idiot? Oo! Mataba ako, pangit ako! Pero sana isipin niyo ring tao lang ako na nasasaktan! Alam kong hindi mo 'ko maiintindihan at kahit kailan hindi mo 'ko maiintindahan dahil hindi ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon ko! Hindi mo naranasang laitin ng mga tao! Everything to you is just a joke!"