MY BIG FAT ROMANCE [under major revision]

MBFR : 5

EPISODE 5 : HERE COMES; KNIGHT IN SHINNING ARMOR

As I expected, I will be spending my whole afternoon unproductively. I'm just currently sitting here on a bench, a big tree sheltering me from the rays of the sun. Still, I'm thinking about what song I should pick for my performance next week.

I heave a sigh as I look into the green oval. Some are talking cheerfully to their friends, some are practicing a dance step, and some are eating their snacks while here I am, all alone.

I'm afraid of making friends. Call me a coward, but I'm hesitant to approach anybody, not by the reason for not wanting a so-called circle of friends but by the fact that there's always a possibility that they will just throw wrath at me.

A possibility that they will see me pathetic as what I appeared to be. Sad, but yes, people will level their respect based on beauty. They will scrutinize the appearance instead of looking deep into a good soul.

I don't know what transpires but I felt something heavy inside me. It's hard; it's fucking hard to please anyone in this state. All my life, I just want to be appreciated or maybe to be merely accepted.

Sometimes I was afraid of going out and the moment I took a step outside, I realized how harsh reality and even people are. I also realize that things will not go the way I wanted them to be.

"Lauryn!" boses pa lang ay alam ko na kung sino ito.

Hindi ako lumingon at nagbibingi-bingihan na lamang. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng pagod kahit wala naman akong ginawa buong maghapon kundi ang tumunganga at nag muni-muni.

My head moves sideways when someone grabs my hair forcibly. I wince when I feel pain on my scalp.

"Aray ko Emily sno ba!" pinilit kong kunin ang buhok kong hawak niya ngunit hinawakan ni Carol ang kamay ko dahilan para maging malaya si Emily sa pag sabunot sa akin.

No choice left me but to endure it. I have to endure it kasi palagi naman nilang ginagawa 'to eh. Dapat masanay na ako.

Tiniis ko ang pananabunot niya sa'kin. Tiniis ko ang sakit kahit parang mauubos na ang mga buhok ko.

I have no right to weep, I have no right to speak back.

Dahil kahit anuman ang gawin ko, alam ko naman na magiging talunan lang din naman ako sa huli.

I was a loser to defend myself from anyone.

Masakit ang ginawang pagsabunot ni Emily sa'kin ngunit mas nadagdagan lang iyon nang makitang wala man lang ginawa ang mga estudyanteng nanonood, ni wala man lang sa kanila ang naglakas-loob awatin si Emily at Carol sa pananakit nila sa akin.

Basura nga siguro talaga ako sa lipunang ito.

I'm trash and I don't have the right to live either.

"You bitch!" she uttered profanity still pulling my hair.

I don't know what I did to deserve all of these treatments.

Hinayaan ko siyang saktan ako dahil ayokong mapatigil sa pag-aaral. Malakas ang kapit ni Emily sa school na ito at doon pa lang, walang-wala na 'ko.

Pangarap na lang ang meron ako, kahit ito nalang. Kaya ko pa naman tiisin eh, isang taon na lang gagraduate na 'ko.

Isang taon na lang.

I packed my eyes when I felt teardrops caressing down my cheeks.

In this world, no one wants to be on my side, no one wants to defend a pathetic person like me and no one wants to be a loser like me.