MY BIG FAT ROMANCE [under major revision]

MBFR : 20

EPISODE 20 : THE CONTINOUS STORM

Why do we keep yearning for someone that gives us pain?

Why do we keep assuming impossible things to reciprocate?

Why do we keep seeking the right when it only shows us the wrong?

Sa dinami-dami ng taong pwedeng mahalin, subalit pinipilit pa din natin ang sarili sa taong walang nararamdaman sa atin. Pilit pa din natin inuugnay ang kapalaran sa isang libro na hindi naman tayo ang naturingang bida. Minsan nagigiing martir tayo pagdating sa pag-ibig.

Hindi alintana ang kirot na namamayani sa dibdib at ang pusong ilang beses nang nabasag. Sapagkat ang tunay na pagmamahal ay handang maatim ang anumang alumpihit na maaaring matikman.

We used to endure the pain for someone we love, we used to be blinded by our love for someone who doesn't see us the same. Some people will pursue us to their benefit, to their advantage, and their self-satisfaction.

We tend to forget our worth as a person by simply loving someone, we tend to lose ourselves by depending on our happiness for someone. We endure it all along but believe me, you'll reach the bottom of your bottomless love. And when the moment you reach that lowermost, you'll be able to see that if it is hurting you, it isn't love.

May konsensya pa din sa loob ko habang naglalakad kami palayo kay Clyde na ngayon ay nakapako pa rin ang mga paa sa lupa.

I don't know how to explain this, but I don't wanna see that pain on his face. I don't want to see him miserable. I only want him to be happy though making him happy is allowing my heart to experience pain again.

Catching sight of the person we love being in a miserable shape will tear us into pieces because when we love someone; we still wish them to be happy. Even by the fact that we're not the reason anymore.

Nakarating kami sa tapat ng aming classroom habang nakabuntot pa rin si Gabriele sa amin. Sabi niya, hindi niya na daw hahayaan na lumapit pa sa akin si Clyde. Nakakabuti naman iyon sa aking puso para maiwasan muli ang pagkabasag nito. Ngunit bakit may parte pa rin ng isip ko na sumasalungat?

Ilang minuto muna ang itinagal nito bago tuluyang magpaalam sa amin. Alam ko naman na may klase pa ito at marami pa itong gagawin ngunit nagpumilit itong ihatid ako mamaya sa bahay. Si Belinda naman ay makikisabay din sa amin pauwi.

I can sense their consideration; I understand that they're just concerned about me. Yet, I still feel bereft.

Parang may kulang?

Parang may hinahanap ako?

I have this sort of feeling. Sometimes I'm okay; everything is okay. I was happy, but then out of nowhere, I felt tragic. The kind of sadness that I can't even elucidate to anyone and even though in myself.

So, I just let myself whine. I just let my tears plunge while I'm in the middle of a congested street. Because I can't stop them from dipping. And suddenly, a thought crosses my mind.

What is my purpose? or What am I doing?

Alam ko pa ba ang ginagawa ko?

Alam ko pa ba kung saan ako masaya?

Kung masaya ba talaga ako?

Lumilipad na ang aking isipan at ang pagtapik ni Belinda sa balikat ang pumukaw sa akin. Pumasok na kami sa loob ng classroom, katulad ng normal na araw. My classmates were looking at me with their most bored looks.

Our classroom has white walls and in the upper and lower bottom is a squared table. The abstract painting is pasted on the upper partition of the room. The frames are identical, it has a gold edge lining. The jalousie was open and the amount of dust was visible.