Happiness Is(n't) In The Having

Chapter Five - Don't Make Me Lose You, Too

 I hope you guys like this one. It was a hard one for me. I'm never gonna be happy with it anyway, so here we go.

No beta read yet, hehe. I'm just too impatient, it's horrible.

Prepare for some fluff and some...pain? Sorry. You know the rules of fanfic.

#SammyToTheRescue!

~oOo~oOo~oOo~

They say a problem shared is a problem halved.

Unfortunately, in his brother's case, Dean didn't seem to feel like sharing anything at all. To share a problem, you have to admit to yourself that a problem exists.

"I swear", Sam sighs, driving a hand over his face in exasperation. "One minute he's looking at him so adoringly it's gross and the next he acts like a total dick."

Eileen gives him a compassionate smile, but even the screen can't hide the amused twinkle in her eyes. He had called her first thing after Jack left for Heaven, needing someone to talk through what the boy had told him, needing someone he knew would ground him.

"That's called being in love, Sam", she says, simultaneously gesturing her words in sign language in front of her laptop camera. Sam had asked her to. He's still learning and soon found that nothing works better than frequent repetition, especially having the visual paired with its acoustic counterpart. By now he'd gotten quite fluent in the basics, if he could say so himself. It's incredibly fascinating, and he knows it makes her happy that he tries, and isn't that alone worth every hour of practice. Getting to share what he's come to think of as Eileen's language...

He just wishes it'd be that easy to find the perfect means of communication for everyone. (And with everyone he means Dean and Cas. Obviously.)

"But why does it have to be so complicated?" He shifts on his bed, sitting cross-legged with the computer in his lap, and strokes a lost strand of hair behind his ear. "And after what Jack said-"

Eileen suddenly snorts, a fit of giggles breaking Sam off.

"What?", he asks, grinning despite having no idea what happened. He just loves hearing her laugh. He hears it far too rarely of late.

"Sorry, it's just..." She takes a deep breath, shakes her head with a smile. "You just asked me why love is so very ugly." She points at his hands and bites her bottom lip to hide the smirk (unnecessary to point out that it's a futile endeavour).

"Oh, shit." Sam lets out a bark of laughter, trying to remember what he'd just signed. "Wait." He crosses his hands under his nose and pulls them to the side in a swift movement. "Was it this?"

"Yeah. It's very close to the sign for 'complicated'", she grants him. "Actually the other way around. Here, I'll show you again." She starts with her hands out, then moves them in towards her face, crossing them while wiggling her index fingers.

"Like this?" Sam tries to imitate her movement, stores it away in his memory as good as he can.

Eileen nods with a smile. "Much better."

"Thanks." God, he misses her. He misses seeing her smile like that, seeing her smile because of him. He misses having her here, being able to talk in person, hug her when he feels like it, just...

He's ripped from his thoughts when he notices her change in expression, the loving smile and softness in her gaze stay, but there's something serious about the wrinkle in her brow now, the way she takes in a breath.

"Just talk to him, Sam", she says and the younger Winchester sighs again.

"He's not gonna listen."