Happiness Is(n't) In The Having

Chapter Twenty-Two - I'll Be There Waiting

The following weeks are busy with preparation. Despite Dean's best efforts, Sam and Eileen manage to turn it into a huge thing, when asked only smirking something about it being a one time opportunity to see your ship getting married (and your brother, Sam adds as an afterthought) and even though Cas isn't exactly sure what their wedding has to do with sea travel, he deems it wiser not to asks and just lets them do whatever they're doing.

There are phone calls made, people invited, not many but enough to make Dean sweat at the thought of having to hold a speech (even more so than he would have anyway, that is). Dean and Cas stay mostly out of it, happy to escape the fussing and leave it in Sam's and Eileen's capable hands, even when they might be throwing each other concerned looks from time to time when being asked about things like the colours of flower arrangements and the design for seating cards. The ceremony will be held outside, there are flowers everywhere, it's fucking June, and what the hell does one need a seating plan for when you barely have ten people attending anyway?? But Sam and Eileen seem to be in their element, so they just let it happen, answer dutifully when consulted and secretly freak out about stuff they have to prepare themselves.

Like vows. Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to have the spouses write vows for each other? Dean wonders more than one late night when Cas is asleep in their bed, sitting at his desk with only a small light as not to wake the angel. His basket is overflowing with scumbled paper balls, and he always sees to having it emptied before morning, just to be sure Cas won't see any of his failed attempts at eloquence.

It'll come to him eventually, he tells himself. He has everything else under control. He got the rings, one from Jack, one from the jeweller, and they're both more than Dean could have hoped for. He'd paid the nice lady extra, and when he asked Jack what he could do to thank him, the kid had flashed him an adorable grin, asking without any embarrassment if he could be the flower girl at their wedding. Or well. Flower...Jack, that is.

I may have Chuck's powers, he had said at Dean's surprised expression, but...I don't see myself as God. I'm still...Jack. Just Jack. And I think that's a good thing.

Dean hadn't quite known what to do with himself after that, and the only answer to the sincere smile on Jack's face had been to hug the boy tightly, telling him that it's a very good thing indeed.

So here he is. Rings, check. Flower Jack, check. Everything else prepared by his brother and practically sister in law, check.

Vows...not so much check, but they've always been making it up as they go, right?

Yeah, right.

~oOo~

And then the day is there.

Dean is in his room, putting on the blue tie he sneaked out of Cas' closet (Cas will be wearing a pastelly green one, one that belongs to Dean, of course). In a surge of slight hysteria he thinks about if he should put it on backwards, but of course he doesn't, still the thought makes him smile.

The day is there and he still hasn't decided on the words.

Why do they need to write vows anyway? As if they hadn't had enough chick-flick moments over the last couple of months. As if Cas hadn't already held a wedding-vow-worthy speech that day. As if they could still say anything the other didn't already know.

And still Dean knows Cas will come up with something incredible, something that will move everyone to tears, Cas will have the most beautiful, heartbreakingly romantic vows ever spoken among mankind, because Cas just says stuff like that.

But Dean is not that kind of guy. Which really sucks right now, more than ever, because he wants to be. Just for this. Maybe Cas already knows all that crap, but he deserves to hear it again, he deserves to be told every day, and this day above any other. Cas deserves the big heartfelt speech with all the cheesiness and the clichés (simply because they're true), someone pouring their fucking heart out in front of all their friends and family, without a doubt, without fear, without hesitation, without shame. He deserves someone who is eloquence personified, talking about how impossibly and undeniably in love they are, and fuck him Dean is all these things, he just can't say them. He can't even say them properly in the privacy of their room, so how the hell is he supposed to get them out with all those people listening, watching him.