Happiness Is(n't) In The Having

Chapter Fifteen - Just Being

I did it, you guys! Wahoo to me!! As I said, I haven't ever written smut before and can't draw from experience (you could say this chapter is full of first times...ok, sorry), so I'm gonna be very curious what you think how it turned out. It's very fluffy and sappy and wordy and probably awkward but I was surprisingly happy with it in the end, guess the fluffy fluffy fluff was just the way I needed it to be for myself...

~oOo~oOo~oOo~

I don't need you to be anything, Dean. I just need you to be you.

Okay.

"Okay?" Cas' voice is serious, but the corner of his mouth twitches upwards and Dean nods.

"Yeah", he says, voice steady. "Okay."

The twitch stretches into a full smile, and the only thing Dean can think about is how much he wants to kiss that smile until it's a permanent resident on his angel's face. (His angel. Hell yes.) So he does. Because he can now. He's allowed to.

It doesn't take much for the kiss to grow more heated - Dean has a statement to make, tries to put everything he feels into the kiss, all the words he can't bring his lips to form.

I love you. I want to love you. I want to let you love me. I'll try. Don't give up on me. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Cas welcomes everything Dean has to give, and maybe he understands what Dean tries to tell him, can read the promises Dean paints with his tongue, for he becomes increasingly bolder and more confident in his own actions. The angel's fingers are long tangled in Dean's hair, the other arm slung around his waist to keep him close. When Dean needs to break away for air Cas wastes no time in exploring other places instead, his mouth wandering to leave a trail of kisses along Dean's jaw and to his ear, nibbling at the earlobe. The sharp intake of breath it elicits from the hunter makes Cas smirk against his skin - and when the hell did Dean ever see Cas smirk? He has no time to think about it though, because the next thing that happens is that he feels Cas nudge one of his knees between Dean's thighs, and holy shit they haven't even actually started yet and Dean feels like falling apart right there and then. He clutches at the angel's shoulders, a whimper ripping out of his throat, and fuck, since when does Dean Winchester whimper??

"Cas." His breath tickles over Cas' neck and leaves goosebumps in its wake. He kisses them away. "Want you."

"You have me." The words sound so innocent, falling from Cas' tongue that Dean is once more hit by the impossible wonder that the angel would mean them in the same way he does, and why can Cas still form coherent sentences anyway? (Let alone sound innocent with his knee pressing against Dean's crotch.) Dean decides that imbalance should be remedied as quickly as possible.

"Maybe we should move this to the bed", he suggests, drawing back to lock eyes with Cas.

There's a revealing mixture of emotions in Dean's eyes, fear infused with excitement, amazement, awe. It's the exact mirror of what Cas can feel brewing inside his own chest and it calms him to know that he isn't alone in this. It makes him think of how awe could turn into awful, a curious thing that something amazing could often be equally terrifying.

This though, this is a good kind of excitement.

Cas licks his lips and nods.

"Yes." He places a last quick peck on Dean's lips before he draws back completely. Dean smiles at him and immediately seems to lose some of the tension, and it's the hunter that takes his hand and leads him over to the bed, slowly urges him to lie down on the soft memory foam and follows to cover Cas' body with his own.