What Was Left

Chapter 6

Jaime did not know how long he remained crouched upon the stone floor of his chamber, unable to move, bitter tears streaming down his face. All he was aware of was the aching in his heart for Brienne and the son she had given him, whom he did not know. The babe he had never even seen. His shame consumed him. Jaime longed for the things he had missed. He was not there when Brienne discovered she carried his child. There was no father to which she could tell her happy news. He had not watched the belly of the woman he loved grow with the life he had put there. Had not felt their child move within her. His was not the hand Brienne had grasped as she pushed his babe toward life. His words of love were not whispered in her ears upon seeing the face of their child for the first time. Jaime could scarce imagine her burden as an unmarried woman bringing a bastard child into the world. Had the knowledge that she would be mother to the child of the man who had abandoned her even been welcome? There was no hatred in the world stronger than that Jaime felt for himself.

When he could stand the space inside his own skin no longer, when there were no more tears left to cry, Jaime rose slowly barely able to support his own weight upon shaking legs. All within him called out for Brienne. She was near, somewhere. He knew that now. All he need do was find her. He raced to the window and pressed his face against the tiny spaces between the boards which barred his view. The light had disappeared from the sky long ago. In his stupor he had not noticed. Every part of his body strained to catch a glimpse of anything on the other side. His fingers pried desperately at the planks, trying to pull them from the frame into which they were nailed tightly. The lattice did not budge.

Slamming his fist against the sturdy panels, Jaime howled at the top of his lungs. "Brienne!" His shriek echoed from every corner of the room.

Jaime fell to his knees, his face in his hands, and wailed as if the force of his sheer will could open the path he needed to her. He felt the exhausted rasp of his lungs when air finally failed him. The taste of blood surged into his mouth from his raw throat. He sat on the floor, gasping for breath, his mind racing ahead of him. He had to find a way to reach Brienne. It was then that he remembered. He had not heard the turn of the lock when his brother had exited his cell. Jaime raised his head in shocked anticipation. Tyrion had left the door unsecured.

He rose as if in a frantic dream. Jaime stumbled to the bed, and rifled through the garments Tyrion had left. He could not go to Brienne in rags. He sighed with gratitude as he stripped the soiled clothing he had worn for months from his body and pulled on a clean tunic and britches. There were boots, and a dark cloak. All necessities for moving secretly through the passageways of The Keep. He wanted no one to know he was there. Jaime's only wish was to see Brienne, and the child she had given him.

Jaime trembled as he stumbled to the door, afraid to hope. He clasped the knob like it was a lifeline, and held his breath as he twisted the metal in his palm. The air in his lungs burst forth in relieved laughter when the door opened revealing the corridor beyond. Tyrion had not locked it. So, elated upon his discovery was Jaime that did not think to wonder why. Cautiously, he stepped forth toward his freedom, toward Brienne.
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Like the specter he had become, Jaime slipped through the shadows of the Red Keep. He knew not the exact location of his cell. There was no way for him to discern just how far he was from Brienne, and no telling who he might meet along the way. He knew exactly where she would be. Somehow he had to find his way there. Spurred on by his love for the woman he betrayed, all Jaime knew to do was keep moving.

The corridors were different, newer, brighter, almost happier than they had been. However, as he trudged onward, Jaime noticed familiarities in the pathways. The turnings, the directions, even the sounds along his way told him he was near to the White Sword Tower.

Jaime marveled at the awareness that formed in his thoughts as he continued. Brienne was so close to him. He only needed to make it the Lord Commander's chamber. Then, he would see her, finally, be near her. What he would say once her shock of his having returned from the dead had worn away, he did not know. How she would react, he could not guess. His only concern, now, was simply reaching her. Jaime hoped the rest would take care of itself.