What Was Left

Chapter 10

The weeks passed in Kings Landing, uneasily, for both Brienne and Jaime. He was desperate to somehow get closer to her. She did her best to avoid him as much as possible. With the exception of the night he had stole into the Lord Commander's chamber and stood over his son's cradle, Jaime had yet to glimpse the boy up close. Brienne kept the child as much distanced from him as she could. Even through his yearning to be near to both of them, Jaime understood. He had created the doubt, the mistrust, and the foreboding within her heart. Yet, while he could not blame her, he prayed for a change in their situation.

Brienne spent much her free time with their child either strolling along the pathways of the Red Keep whispering unheard affections into the babe's ear, or sprawling upon a blanket with him in the gardens fully delighting in showing him the wonders of the world into which he been born. There was not one of these intimate moments that Jaime did not witness. He attempted to secret himself out of her vision, not wanting to make her uncomfortable during her maternal revelries. He was unsure if Brienne was aware of his presence as he watched her entertaining young Galladon, or if she was simply very good at ignoring the possibility that his caring eyes were upon them. Jaime tried to make himself believe that staring at them from afar was enough as he lost himself in watching their bond.

Tyrion had been correct in his description of Brienne's motherly skills. Jaime had never seen a mother love a child as much as she obviously adored their son. No woman he had ever known had shown such an innate understanding of her child's needs, or seemed so happy when in the presence of her babe. Not even Cersei had been as fulfilled by her children as Brienne was with hers. Jaime shook the horrid memory of his sister out of his head. He did not wish anything of her to stain what time he was allowed with Brienne and the child they shared, even it was only hidden at a distance.

During one long lazy afternoon, Jaime stood obscured behind a large ancient tree, and strained to behold Brienne as she lavished all of her attentions upon their babe. Never had he seen a more joyous smile upon anyone's face, as she sat upon a spread quilt in the shade of the leafy canopy of the gardens. He watched her gently moving the boy's arms and legs in time to a song she sang, but which Jaime stood at too a great distance to hear. He could have witnessed her delight forever. His heart sang to him that the gods had seen fit to grow his seed within Brienne's womb, and not Cersei's. His mind recalled the torment at believing he owed his loyalty to another within whom he had accidentally laid a babe. He had never been so glad to be the victim of someone's lie in all his life. Except that it had taken him from Brienne's side, his relief at not having actually fathered another child by his evil sister, was overwhelming. If only he could tell Brienne of his joy.

Jaime smiled in amusement as Brienne lifted their child above her head, and blew kisses upon his tiny belly again and again. Her smile rivaled the bright rays of the sun that sparkled around her shady refuge. So immersed in his happy observance was Jaime that he absent-mindedly stepped from his hiding place among the branches. He stood in the open, awed by the beauty of Brienne with their son. She saw him, almost immediately.

In an instant, Brienne's expression changed from one of sheer bliss, to a stoic glare. She eyed him suspiciously for a moment. Then Brienne wrapped Galladon in her arms, and held him close to her. She stood hurriedly and gathered the items she had brought for his care into a cloth satchel which she hung from her shoulder. Without turning to regard Jaime, Brienne lifted her chin and strode indignantly from the garden with Galladon shielded from view, leaving the father of her child standing with only his regret and the empty pit in his chest. His gaze stared along the path she had taken long after her retreat. Once he was able to move again, Jaime walked sadly to where they had been and retrieved the quilt Brienne had left from its resting place upon the grass. He held it close to his heart, as she he wished he could Brienne and their child, and breathed deep the scent of them which still lingered on its fibers. He would wrap himself in it as he slept from that night forward.
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"She will not let me anywhere near them." Jaime lamented to Tyrion, a short time after he had been left standing in the gardens. "She flees whenever I am near. As if I might harm them." His face was clouded with despair as he described his pain to his brother.