What Was Left

Chapter 16

It was the shell of Jaime Lannister that trudged along the corridor to his brother's solar the morning after he had confessed his reasons and his love to Brienne. He had bared his whole heart to her, explained every purpose there had been for leaving her. There was nothing left in the pit of his soul when he finished. Brienne had not refused him, she had not scoffed. She had listened, given him the chance for which he yearned, and she had understood. He was certain she recognized his logic. Jaime had seen the flames of love burning as brightly in Brienne's eyes as it did his own full heart, only to watch them then dimmed by the pain and hurt he had caused. He hoped this day might be a new beginning, however, as the sun rose Jaime found little cause for joy.

Jaime had not even attempted to sleep after leaving Brienne's quarters in the early morning. He had helped the woman he adored settle their son into his cradle, and then he laid her back upon the sheets of her warm bed as he had hoped to do. In the place of the night of passion for which he dreamed, he simply placed a soft kiss at her temple, covered her gently with the quilt to keep her warm, and left her chamber without saying a word. He had not seen the tears Brienne could no longer fight as she watched him retreat. Sitting awake in his own empty billet for the remainder of the night, Jaime stared into the fire which smoldered in the hearth, hoping to find some answer in the flames that would tell him how to win back her trust.

With the light of day, he barely noticed when he leaned against the dark oak door of Tyrion's quarters. His shoulder thudded upon the wood as he nudged open the heavy panel. Jaime shuffled across the floor and slumped into the chair opposite his brother at a table already set with platters of steaming fare. He sighed heavily and stared over the dishes to where Tyrion was busy breaking his fast. The younger Lannister did not even acknowledging Jaime was in the room until he had swallowed a large mouthful of sausages and washed it down with a generous gulp of wine.

"I did not think I would be seeing you until later." Tyrion raised his head and began to give his brother a wicked sneer. He had assumed Jaime would still be occupied in Brienne's bed. Upon noticing his older brother's disheveled appearance and the somber aspect of his stare, Tyrion quickly realized his expectation of the celebration of a rekindled love was apparently somewhat premature.

"You look like shit." Tyrion announced. "I assume your conversation with Ser Brienne did not go as you had hoped." He commented, wondering just how Jaime could have botched the declaration of his own feelings to the woman he loved.

"It did not." Jaime lamented,

"Ser Brienne did not believe you?" Tyrion questioned, his face registering a mild shock, but not an altogether unexpected one. "Did you not reveal to her all that was in your heart?" He continued. "Did you not prostrate yourself on the ground before her, and beg for her forgiveness?" Tyrion questioned.

Jaime raised his eyebrow at Tyrion's inquiry, yet the rest of his face did not follow. "I did." He nodded. "She believed me." He reported, almost surprised. "Brienne said that she understood." A glimmer of hope passed over his face. "I know she still loves me. I could see it in her eyes." He relayed, before his expression fell even further. "It is the forgiveness part that she cannot grant me." He sighed heavily. "I cannot blame her." Jaime shook his head sadly, his eyes distant and forlorn.

"Nor can I." Tyrion agreed with a slow nod. "The grief and pain in which she faced bringing your son into the world without you must have been immeasurable." He stated with certainty. "Surely far too great a burden to be assuaged with one single confession." Tyrion conjectured.

At the truth of Tyrion's words, Jaime squeezed shut his eyes and leaned back his head, attempting to hide from the monster of regret that was his creation. "Whose side are you on, Brother?" He shouted.