Chasing Lily Evans

Letting Go

*this takes place after the incident Harry sees in the pensieve, where James hangs him upside down and Snape calls Lily a mudblood, and after he apologises and she refuses*

"What do you look so chipper about?" James smiled lazily from his spot on the grass, his long legs tangled up with Sirius'. "Just the sun, the blue sky, the fresh air, the lovely flowers..." Sirius snorted, "Lovely flowers? Looks like Prongs is a little love struck." Moony winked at James as Peter giggled, his nose turning red. "No, nothing like that," James said a little unconvincingly, "Just reliving the day I publicly humiliated that little slimeball." Remus frowned, "I would rather write that off as a failure, because that alienated you from Lily, which is more important than a silly grudge, isn't it?" James shook his head, "I don't care about her. She's just rebellious and it shocks me that she hasn't yet had her heart smashed by my good looks." Sirius gave him a knowing look and nudged Remus rather pointedly. "Look, there goes that girl our mate doesn't care about," he gestured, and James whipped around eagerly, finding just the giant squid glaring up at him.

After an hour of chasing each other around (and Sirius receiving a few jabs for his little joke), the boys settled down once more and watched as the quiet area began to fill up. Sirius stared into the lake with a rather hard look in his eyes, seeming bored and brooding to the average passerby, Remus opened a book as he tried not to think about a day that had started in a similar manner and ended in a huge mishap, Peter tried persuading the quiet and reserved Arthur Weasley to play a game of Gobstones with him while James sat, lost in his thoughts.

The truth was, that afternoon was probably the most Lily had talked to him in quite a while, and the disgust he saw in her eyes, as well as the cool surety with which she rejected him, disturbed him. Though he wouldn't admit it, he felt strongly about her, and every insult or glare was like a slap to his feelings. He shifted his position so he could see the branch where he had hung Snape upside down the other day and felt a little sickened. What was it even worth, having Snape humiliated? And the fact that she would consider his actions almost as bad as being called a— a— mudblood— saddened him. He knew Remus was disappointed in him, and though Sirius had laughed it all off as a good joke, his quiet disapproval was enough. As he pictured Snape's whiny face for a few more moments, he came to a determined resolve- from now on, he would try his hardest to be better, more like Remus. And he would let go of Lily Evans forever.

***

"Lily, don't look now but Sna- er, Severus, is trying to get your attention." Lily rolled her green eyes as she tried to hear her friend over the loud Potions class. "I don't care, Mary, really," she said, viciously ripping apart the Boomslang skin with her hands, "He's not Sev anymore, he's darker." Mary nodded consolingly, turning her back on Severus' pathetic face, which had dark circles on its more-sallow-than-usual skin.

Severus was going through the worst time of his life. He had made the stupidest, most terrible mistake and he didn't know if he could take it back, because he knew what he had said had cut deep into Lily's insecurities. She had confided in him her fear of not fitting in because she was a Muggle, and every time she got a spell wrong, her fear reawakened and he was always there to soothe it, and now, he had brought that fear into the spotlight. He cringed as he remembered the incident, his words forming the words before he could think.

Bella and Luscious had been there, cackling as Potter had played around with him like a rag doll and nearly fell in the lake with laughter as Lily stood up to him. He saw red then, and he hated Potter, his stupid little friends and Lily. He didn't hate her, but it was just all too much- how she acted like he was a little boy she needed to get out of trouble. So he had gone and done it. He had used the word he had heard Bella, Cissy, Malfoy and everyone else use, and he felt disgusted. With himself, with his new image in Lily's eyes and the victory it meant for Potter, with him out of the way for good, to tell Lily the truth. She would surely succumb to his charms, and he would be nothing but a little boy who was caught using a bad word. As he wiped a tear from his eye, something inside him hardened. He was not just a little boy. He had studied the Dark Arts (a little) and could do things Potter couldn't even dream of. He had powerful friends who came from powerful families. Maybe it's time he did embrace that part of himself. As he set his jaw, he got up and walked out of the dungeon shamelessly, and, underneath the brave exterior, he felt as though he had left the better part of him behind.

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Hiii!
So I'm turning into those authors who write notes at the end of chapters but it is kind of fun. This chapter had a lot of raw emotion as a result of the aftermath of a rather traumatic incident which was very important in the marauders', Snape's and Lily's lives. I'm sorry for the late updates but cause of COVID, I'm having lots of extra exams and it's pretty difficult to write. I'm so grateful to everyone who stuck with me, and if you left after noticing the 'to be continued', I'm terribly sorry. Quicker updates from now on, promise.