Do you take thee...?

This Is What Fun Looks Like

We were in the OR about to perform the craniotomy. I looked over at Derek, who was directly across from me and was staring at the equipment and how it was laid out. He was so precise about the smallest of things, like how he had to had 16 towels in the OR at all times, but it just showed his love and passion for his job even more. It was a horrible situation to be in. There was people all around us who knew about our other relationships so even one hint of flirting and we would for sure have been caught or suspicions would be raised. There was no privacy and we were probably never going to be alone together again. Mei would be back to work and so would Forbes. I would carry on in my relationship with Marcus and he would get married to Jennifer. It didn't seem like any time soon there would be any talk between us of what had happened in the elevator or even in the hospital room for that matter. I think because we were both enjoying each other's company and feel so much, that we didn't want to ruin it. What had happened would have been the best thing, had we not been with other people. And it pains me to say that I know he would never tell Mei of what had happened. He didn't know how I felt and the last time that we spoke before today, he was angry at me for being in a relationship with another attending.

We had been in surgery now for nearly 5 hours and my feet were killing me. We both hadn't made any remarks to our previous encounter or what had happened and surprisingly we hadn't even exchanged one ounce of flirtatious behaviour. Everything was going smoothly with the patient being stable throughout and I was loving every second of both the procedure and the presence of Derek. Everything was going according to plan until he handed me the instruments and asked me to do a part of the operation. My mind froze about what I actually had to do. The procedure was so common and I had read about it hundreds of time yet my mind still went black. I was so embarrassed that, in front of everyone, I was going to have to say 'I don't know how to do it.' As I watched his powerful hands reach over to pass me the equipment I said,

'Can you please remind me of the steps? I don't want to mess it up.' I figured this would sound better than actually saying I didn't know how to do the procedure.

'Of course, Dr Grey. But believe in yourself, you're more talented than you think.' He replied back, cheekily and his net actions insinuated something different.

I thought he would have just spoken the steps out to me and helped me out that way. But he had other ideas. This way nobody would suspect anything. Once he had handed me the instruments, he came and stood at the side of me, slid his hand around my back so that then he had hold of my left hand and brought his other arm up to hold my right. With me now securely in his arms having nowhere to move or something would've gone terribly wrong, I stood there taking in all the instructions that he was whispering in my ear and the smell of his cologne. Along with the hints of cinnamon I was sensing from his locks. There I was again. In my happy place. We continued like that for a short while before I stepped back and allowed him to finish. I stood in awe of his talent and his poise. His concentration face was so cute yet handsome and I could wait there all day if I got to look at him. I was concentrating more on him than on the surgery was was bad for two reasons but neither of them were a thought right now. He moved his eyeline in mine and threw me a smile under his mask when he realised I was staring at him. I wasn't embarrassed or startled by him quickly catching my eyes but I did get nervous then when I realised that there was a scrub nurse, who was actually the sister of Mei, staring at me practically giving me a death stare, which made me stop looking at him and concentrate on the rest of the process. We finished up and both left the scrub room at separate times leaving us no time to configure anything. However our paths did meet once more that day when we were both in the hallway. Except this time it was late and he was joined by his fiancé and I had also just seen Forbes walk across the bridge. Once I was 6 feet away from him and me, Mei and him were all at the nurses station of the Neuro ICU, he asked me to join him for a few hours.

'Dr Grey, I wanted to teach you a skill in the skills lab. If you're free we could do it now.' He was still stood very close to Mei at this point but that didn't stop him from winking at me after he said it. I had no clue what the wink initiated or what was going to happen but I replied.

'I have a surgery with Dr Forbes soon...' I saw his face drop slightly at the disappointment.

'But I have about 30 minutes.' I carried on.

'Great, we can get started and I'll show you some more techniques.' He cleared his throat after speaking before placing a genuine kiss onto Mei's cheek.

I had no idea of whether I was actually going to learn something tonight in his skills session but what I did know was that that wasn't the only thing that he had planned. He gave me a look of desperation and passion as we walked through the hospital, making our way downstairs and into the skills lab. I didn't know why, but the whole time me and Derek would be occupied by each other or talk to each other, I didn't care about Mei or Forbes. I was so in touch with him, that that's all that mattered even though I was petrified to be anything other than friends with Derek. I couldn't bare the pain again. Not the pain that I felt or the pain that I put him through and he constantly made me question why wouldn't he just say something about us. Was he scared too?

'Ok Dr Grey.' He said in a luring, sexy manner. 'This is what fun looks like.' He shut the door behind us.