"It takes a lot of courage and trust to look past what you've been through, and trust someone new not to put you through it again."
Asher Adams x female oc
[Season One & Two of All American]
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Religion.
It's something that I've struggled with in the past few years.
Growing up in a religious household it was common sense to know about God and to live your life based on the bible.
But as the years have gone by I have found my faith slipping little by little.
It's hard for me to believe in something that I can't see. Something that has no proof.
I mean there's hundreds of different religions so how do I know which one is the 'truth.' In the end it all comes down to how strong your faith is and how much you believe.
I guess I'm just more of a realist. I need to know the facts before I dedicate my entire life to something so severe.
Even though I struggle with religion I couldn't bring myself to not go to church this morning.
For Coop.
For Spencer.
For Shawn.
For myself.
"Quintell Dennis. Marcus Heard. Tyson Glover. Jamerrill Maxwell. Shawn Scott." The pastor says looking up from his book.
"I'm tired, y'all. This list just keeps growing. How many more names do I need to read in here?"
I feel Dillon grab my hand from next to me.
Spencer and Ms. Grace asked me to come with them today and I couldn't turn them down. I needed to be here.
Bennett offered to come with me but I wanted to just be with my friends. My family.
"I've known Shawn Scott since before he could walk. He should be sitting right here, next to his beautiful mother." he points to Shawn's mother who is sitting in the front row.
"Instead, we're saying goodbye to him on Tuesday. We have children leaving our neighborhoods just to stay alive."
Dillon rests his head on my shoulder as I squeeze his hand.
"Y'all ain't tired?"
I'm tired of everything.
"This endless cycle of violence."
I watch as the crowd starts to murmur.
"Whose name am I gonna read in here next? Yours?" he asks a man sitting a few seats over from us.
"Yours?" he asks pointing at Coop this time.
"How about yours?" Now his attention is all on me.
I can't die. I can't do that to my mother. Or even to Jason.
See death doesn't happen to you it happens to those around you.
When you die you don't feel anything. You don't know about the reprecussions that you leave in your wake.
