brothers.

34.1~ Watch

Diana

10.18.23

Dear Diary, the 'liaison' came this morning. Ms. Bredlong sure worked fast. It wasn't too hard, I guess. Her name is Ms. Howells and she is just like Bredlong. It was unbearable when everyone left for work and school. It's just my luck that Kyle and Jack have busy days today. Tommy and Harry will be back at 1, so it's just the first half of the day she's here.

I just had Geometry, and now I have a free period. Ms. Howells is sitting on my bed behind me. I can literally feel her eyes pinned on my back. It's like a sniper waiting until just the right moment to pull the trigger.

My phone kept buzzing with messages, so she finally got sick of it and asked why I wouldn't answer. So I did. All my friends were asking if I was still 'sick', like I told them on Monday. I don't know why it was so hard to just tell them I switched to online school. I'm such an idiot.

So I finally told them today. Tony and Kate haven't seen my reply yet, but Thelma and Mildred did. They were pretty hurt that I didn't tell them anything. I just said I didn't want people talking about it at their school. Even though I'm not a student there anymore, for some reason, I don't want people talking about the 'ghost girl' transferring out. I wanted a quiet exit.

Anyway... I should get something to eat before the warden asks me why I'm not eating enough.

~~~

10.19.23

Dear Diary, I got a camera set up in my room. Last night, Susan slept in here on a mattress, but now she doesn't have to. I kind of wish she could, but I get it. She has to work... like always. Both her and Davis are always working. I can tell that the boys are tired of them not being around.

So now I have a camera that Ms. Howells uses to keep an eye on me at night until I fall asleep. I'm taking melatonin now, that way I can sleep early and she doesn't have to watch me the whole night. Then during the day, she comes here and watches me do everything. Even change or go to the bathroom. No matter how many times I tell her I'm uncomfortable, she insists that 'I brought this on myself'. I've felt like punching her.

I'm hoping Jack comes back from work early. He and I don't talk much or anything, but he's better than this vulture.

~~~

10.20.23

Dear Diary, I'm ripping this page out as soon as I'm done. I just wanted to let my anger out for a bit.

I caught Ms. Howells READING MY DIARY. I took a nap during my free period, and when I woke up, she was sitting at my desk, reading everything. Obviously, I got mad, but she kept saying it was 'her business now' and that she had to make sure I wasn't 'writing anything disturbing'. WTF. I'm writing this right now while she's writing her little report. She's all mad because I was calling her names and stuff. What does she expect when she's such a miserable old hag?

~~~

10.20.23

Dear Diary, I'm having a very productive day today. I had my AP Literature class, which is my favorite. It's a one-on-one class; no other students. The teacher gives me the lecture and I take notes, do exercises, how you do.

Admittedly, it's a bit lonely. I do miss my friends. I used to have Cooking class on Fridays. I liked that class, despite how tough the teacher was.

I feel a bit disappointed that I missed Homecoming Week at Summit High. It sounded so fun, too. Tommy and Harry are playing against Lawson today. I hope it goes well. I asked Kyle and Jack if they did the same thing, and they said their Homecoming was during the first week of October. Jack played in the games there, too. It sounded pretty fun.

Either way, I guess my experience would've been ruined by bullies at school, so I know this is the best for me.

Dr. Cawman will be coming over later. Maybe that'll cheer me up. She's a lot better than my previous therapists.

~~~

10.21.23

Dear Diary, it's the weekend, so the Fields went out for lunch. They made Kyle and Jack skip work and everything. We went to a place called Rita's Pancake House. It was very delicious. Ms. Howells tagged along, too.

It was a lot more bearable with the family around. Now that the brothers and I have gotten along better, I'm actually starting to have fun being around them. They're a bit tense with Ms. Howells around, though.

~~~

I'm going to write this while Ms. Howells isn't here.

I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER. I don't understand why she had to come to lunch with us. Weekends should be her days off. The family's here watching me, so why should she be around?! I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. Every time I have a panic attack, or anxiety attack, or burst into tears for whatever reason, she's there. And I HATE IT. She keeps asking why, what I'm thinking about, like she wants to dissect my brain or something.

This is going to take FOREVER. She keeps threatening to take me to the hospital instead, always saying that I should be 'grateful' that I'm at home. Always blaming me. It's always my fault.

~~~

10.22.23

Dear Diary, it's Sunday. The family wanted to go back to their church. I don't trust religious stuff a lot, especially after that time I stayed with the Leedas, so I didn't really want to go. They were okay with leaving me home, but then Ms. Howells would have to come over. I wound up going to church. Better than staying with her.

Big mistake. The entire congregation knew Amy, and on top of that, the family's been the biggest gossip of their lives. We wound up leaving because I had a panic attack.

We got home just in time, though. I got my period today. I'm in huge trouble now. The past two months, I've stayed in my room until I stopped bleeding (I faked sick last month so I wouldn't go out). But now, I can't be alone. It's so embarrassing. Every time I have my period around people, something horrible happens. And with a family like this?! Five men?! It's humiliating. Thank God Ms. Howells is a woman. It's still embarrassing, but not as bad as it usually is.

~~~

10.23.23

Dear Diary, I had a productive school day today. I had Biology first. I miss seeing Tony at school. It's a bit weird, how similar my schedule feels to my old one.

I'd say Monday is the 'boring' day. Biology, Geometry, Government... no fun classes like ASL or Literature. I guess that's Monday for you.

Susan and Davis stayed home today, which I'm happy about. I think I've started to get along better with them. I'm definitely not as angry as I was before. Totally not.

~~~

10.24.23

Dear Diary, I just wanted to express my profound appreciation for Ms. Howells. She really is a great worker. I fell and bruised myself today, and she was very worried. She thought I had done it on purpose. It was an accident, but I understand. She just wanted to be careful.

I really do appreciate her. She cares a lot about me, despite how much I've lied and faked situations in the past to get out of homes and situations I didn't want to be in. I've felt lonely, but she's around, so at least there's someone in the room with me... all the time. Very happy. I feel like now I'm getting better. I don't feel the need to hurt myself anymore. My cuts are healing up. Just a couple more days, and the bandages will come off.

The doctor thinks I'm doing better, too. We went yesterday. Ms. Howells was very interrogative. She practically hammered the doctor with questions. Silly Ms. Howells. She just wants the best for me. She wants me to have a good life. That's why she's so overprotective! I feel terrible about what I said about her before. I wasn't appreciative. Now I am!

Thoughts about Diana's downward spiral? Worries?