brothers.

38~ Friendships

"I was having such an amazing time. I haven't felt that happy in... forever. Then I overreacted, and she came in, and... everything just went down. Ruined." I was lying on my bed while Dr. Cawman sat in my desk chair.

"I wouldn't say ruined. You did make a lot of happy memories," she said.

"Yeah, but she messed it all up."

"Diana, don't let that taint the other memories. Did you talk to your friends the next day?"

"I was too embarrassed." I rubbed my eyes.

"Diana, if your friends are as kind as they are, they understand. That wasn't your fault," she reassured me.

"We were just dancing, and... and then I got all nervous. Like I always do. The coward I am, getting scared for everything."

"You're not a coward."

"So what am I?"

"You are a completely normal girl who's been through a lot. It's your fear of intimacy. And considering what you've experienced, it's only logical. You were actually pretty brave, dancing a slow song with a boy you like."

"I just wish I hadn't... you should've seen his face." I recalled the pallid complexion, his chocolate brown eyes wide with disappointment and a bit of fear. The humiliation he must've felt...

"Well, talk to him, Diana. Communication is key in this situation. I know you struggle when it comes to social situations like these, but this is something you need to face if you want to keep your friendship with this boy."

"What do I even say to him?"

"Tell him you had a great night, that you enjoyed your time with him and your other friends, and that you appreciate he did all this for you. Tell the others that, too. The tension will release when you reassure them you're okay."

I stared at my phone on my side table, next to my pills. It had been eerily silent all day yesterday and today. The last text I got was from Thelma, who apologized about what happened before she went to bed.

"They're just waiting for your word. They probably don't know what to say, either," Dr. Cawman prodded. "They know you're being monitored, so maybe they don't want to get you in trouble."

I sat up and took my phone, staring at the screen. The lock screen was a plain old landscape and the home screen was a photo of me... not the most appropriate one. I wasn't dressed weirdly or anything, but I made a gesture that Susan and Davis would disapprove of if they saw it. Not that they would yell at me, but they wouldn't like it. Their house, their rules.

Maybe it was best to change it. Just out of respect. Despite our history, they were trying to make up for it. They even tried covering for me when Ms. Bredlong came. Not many families were willing to do stuff like that, not if it didn't benefit them somehow.

I picked one of the dance's group pictures for my home screen and a picture of just me in my dress for my lock screen. Never thought I'd like a picture of me.

"I should text them all one-by-one, right?" I said.

"Probably best," Dr. Cawman said.

"Should I voice?"

"Whatever you feel comfortable with."

"I'll text." I hated my voice.

Hi, Thelma, I just wanted to thank you again for Saturday and apologize for the way it all went down. I feel bad for not texting you sooner...

Hi, Mildred, I'm sorry I haven't texted you since Saturday. But thank you so, so much for what you did. I haven't felt that happy in a long while...