Teenagers Scare Me

Chapter 11: My Love

"Gerard! What're doing out here so late?" I took off his hood, and he revealed a black eye and some red blotches on his skin. It looks like he was crying. 

"Please, Kylie. Just leave me alone. Go home, it's late," he replied. I shook my head. 

"Nope. Why don't you come with me?" 

"No. I have to go."

"Home? You're going in the opposite direction."

"That's the frigging point." 

"What happened to you?"

"Idiots, that's what happened to me. I was walking home from staying after school, and they threw me down and hurt me, okay? Now go away." He started walking in the direction he was originally headed for, but I followed him. 

"Well hope you don't mind company," I said. He turned around, all glossy eyed. 

"Kylie, please. Go home. I need to do this." All of the sudden, I knew what he was going to do. 

"Gerard, please don't end your life tonight. Life may be shitty and stupid. Kids may be mean, and school may be relentless. But hey, my name is Kylie. Your name is Gerard. We're going to get through our junior and senior year. Together, okay? So whatever you were going to use to do it, please give it to me. You don't need those. I love you, okay? Please, believe me. Things will be better, even if it's just me and you." He started crying, and he hugged me. I felt so bad for him. I wanted always be there for him. That moment changed my life. 

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"Thanks for letting me stay the night, Ms. Eaton. My mom was ugh, working late and I didn't want to be home alone." 

"No problem, Gerard. I love that Kylie is making friends. You seem to be a keeper." My mom smiled, and continued to watch her show. We were downstairs in our living room, with headphones in, watching music videos and interviews and whatnot. I wanted to be the person that made him happy. So far, it seemed to be working. After about an hour, my mom declared she was going to bed.

"Goodnight, my loves. Sleep well. And when you guys do decide to go to bed, make sure Nirvana is in her crate," my mom said. I loved her. She wasn't worried about me. She knew I could make my own choices in life. I don't think she'd mind if I did the frickle frackle, but I wasn't really planning on it and she knew it. She was great. 

"Kylie? Do you have anything I could wear?" He was wearing the clothes he went to school in. I figured I had some band shirts that would fit him. I wasn't a petite, but I was still a girl, so I hoped I had something he could wear to bed. I went up to my room, and found a Of Mice & Men unisex shirt that he could wear, and a pair of pajama pants that Zane accidentally left in my house when he slept over one time. They were Batman. I was certain he wouldn't mind. I went downstairs and gave him the clothes. He changed in the bathroom. He came out, holding his pants very fragile like. 

"I'll be right back. I forgot to do something." He went in his pockets and got something quickly. Instantly, I knew what it was. 

"Gerard Arthur Way, come back here. You will not, WILL NOT, hurt yourself when you're with me, understand? I love you. You can't do this." I began to cry. I sobbed; something I haven't done in a very long time. He came over to me, dropped the blade, and hugged me. 

"I'm really sorry, Kylie. I love you too. I just. . . I felt an urge and. . . " He wiped my eyes and smiled at me. 

"I'll be okay. I won't do it. Okay?" I nodded in approval. I went back upstairs very quickly and got changed. When I walked downstairs, Gerard was on the couch, spawled out and his eyes were closed. I walked over to him, and kissed him on the cheek. His eyes opened.

"Uh, sorry Gerard. I didn't mean to. . uh. . kiss you." I blushed profusely. I wasn't expecting him to be awake. 

"No, 'tis alright, Kylie. I wasn't expecting it. I kind of liked it." He smiled. 

No. It wasn't alright. Frank had just kissed me before I saw Gerard out in the cold. I promised myself I wouldn't love Gerard, nor would I love Frank. I wanted friendships. Yeah, a loving, hilarious relationship wouldn't kill me. But if it meant hurting these two beautiful and wonderful boys, I would have to wait. 

"Kylie? I, um, love you. I'm sorry if it's too soon or weird or whatever. I do. You're perfect in every way. Your hair, your eyes, your mouth, your piercings, your nose, your hands, your body, your butt. . . everything. I wish you were mine. I would show you off. I love you. I know - you have a thing for Frank. Frank's cool. But God, you're devine." 

Well. That escalated quickly. 

"Gerard. . . I. . . . .," I trailed off. I was at a loss for words. He worded everything so perfectly. I absolutely loved it. I couldn't though. No. I had to hate it. Those words were simply his heart thinking; overthinking so much that it had to expell it's contents. I couldn't love him. Gerard automatically looked sad and then mad.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was stupid, thinking I had a chance with you. I'd never have a chance with anyone. Oh fricking well." He turned to the side and didn't say another word.

"Frank. Please don't act like this," I said. 

Well fuck.

"Gerard! I meant Gerard! I love you! You don't understand how hard this is, Gerard! There's two of you and one of me! I absolutely adore the way you said that. It was amazingly perfect. You cannot possibly think for one moment that I don't wish I wasn't with you on the couch, kissing and suggling  away like a happy couple. I wish that, I really do. But there's Frank. And he also makes me feel a certain way. I don't know, man. You both are making this so difficult for me. I wanna be with you Gerard. But Frank. Just. . . please. I love you so much. You make me happy. Happier than I normally am, because I'm a pretty happy person. I adore you. The fact that you hurt yourself? God dammit, Gerard. I wish you didn't. I seriously do. Please, give me a break and a chance. I'll make this work, alright? I'm trying." I cried again, for the 2nd time that night. I was an emotional wreck, and I never thought boys would do this to me.

Gerard turned around, and sat up. 

"Kylie. It's okay. I just need you." 

Those words hurt me so bad.

"Gerard! I need you too! I need you to be happy! I'm hurting you, don't you see?" He nodded, and grabbed me softly. He wiped my eyes, and kissed my lips, very passionately. I enjoyed it, very very much. 

"I know you cannot date me, but I will do everything in my power to make sure you are my girl. Please know this. You make me not want to hurt myself. You are the antidote to my feelings and messed up head." He smiled.

"I love you Gerard," I said. We layed on the couch and cuddled very closely. No frickle frackle. We were fully clothed.

"This is all I ever wanted. I just wanted happiness," he said. That made me so very pleased.

And, to top it all off, I got to snuggle with someone I loved. 

But Frank. Frank and then Gerard. Gerard and then Frank. Frank Gerard. It was endless, really. I needed both of them. They were constant. 

Gerard was my sun. Frank was my moon. You cannot shine one, without the other wanting to come beam later on. Maybe it was jealousy; maybe it was need. All I knew was I was the earth, and depeneded on both.