Teenagers Scare Me

Chapter 2: Without Dad.

You really don't realize what you're taking advantage of until it's gone. You don't realize you're taking advantage of it. You don't even think about when it will be gone. I didn't at least. I didn't really take advantage of my dad, though. I mean, I loved my Dad. He was so close to me; both of my parents were. I'm an only child so I didn't have any siblings to get close to. Hearing he was gone made me think. I had so many feelings inside of me at once, but more thoughts than ever. I always think. I always think thoroughly. When I heard he died, I thought of all the memories we made - going to my first amusement park when I was 3, him taking me to school when I was in preschool, him coming to Parents Career Day when I was in 5th grade, taking me to my first concert when I was 14, just everything. I don't know how everything went by so fast. You don't really think about a time without your parents because 1) they aren't as old as your grandparents so thinking about their death is sorta mean, and 2) they just seem like they'll be there until you're, like, 50. I never thought I'd lose my Dad the summer before my junior year. 

That's why I am stuck with my Mom in the car, hearing her sing to Nirvana at the top of her lungs. It's supposed to take a day and a half or something to get to our destination. Something like that; I am not good at all with time. 

"I PONDER OF SOMETHING GREAT, MY LUNGS WILL FILL AND THEN DEFLATE....," my mom was certainly a terrible singer, and her singing to twenty one pilots isn't helping my headache. I looked out the window - Nebraska. It's pretty, I thought. My phone buzzed in my hand. It was a text from Zane. Gosh I missed him. He sent me a picture of him: his hair was all messy black, he had a lip ring and he was pouting. I texted him back.

hey loser, dont be sad. we'll see each other before you know it :)

I sighed and looked at my mom, who was now quiet. Usually she'd be on to Flyleaf right now, not sitting there in silence.

"Mom? Are you okay?" I asked, half genuinely concerned.

"Your Dad," was all she managed to say before she started sobbing. I knew she missed him. She was just good at keeping herself together for me. Once in a while, she got like this, but not usually in front of me. 

" I miss him too, Mom. Maybe. . . . Maybe you were right. Maybe this move will be good for us. You'll make new friends, and so will I. Maybe they'll be a family in the same cul-de-sac as us. It'll. . . It'll be okay, Mom," I consoled her, a single tear rolling down my cheek. Lately, my mom and I haven't been getting along. It's obviously because of everything that has happened, but I kind of miss being close to my mom, and I kind of don't at the same time. I love my Mom though, so I feel obligated to make sure she is okay. 

My Mom wiped her tears and said, "You're right. I'm glad you think so. Our house is so cozy and cute, and they have these gorgeous willow trees outside our home. I promise, Dad won't be upset." 

I just hoped she was right.