Without Another Choice- Sirius Black

Remus Would Like Me if He Weren't Gay

She broke up with him. America broke up with him. Sirius stared blankly at the ceiling, laying on his back on his four-poster bed. It was well past midnight, hot, silent tears absently streaming down the boy's face. She seemed so perfectly fine. Like their breakup didn't even matter to her. And yet there he was, crying like an idiot when she was perfectly fine.

    Did she not mean those things she had told him that night after truth or dare? When she said they were different? He guessed she didn't. The worst part of all of this; was that Sirius knew he would still go back to her in a heartbeat if she wanted to. But he knew that wasn't likely to happen. Sirius would still go running back to her like a lost puppy. No pun intended. She didn't need him. She never did.

    Sirius missed her laugh and her scent and the way, sometimes in the middle of the night, she always managed to tangle her legs with his.

    He turned on his side and saw Remus still awake. Sirius got embarrassed and quickly dried his tears.

    "Save it," Moony said. "I already saw you." He got up from his bed and tiptoed to his friend. He sat in front of Sirius as he stared at his lap. "What happened, Padfoot?" he asked quietly.

    Sirius shrugged. "Nothing happened."

    Remus smiled sadly. "Bullshit. What's wrong with Ames lately?"

    He furrowed my eyebrows. "There's nothing wrong with Mer."

    Remus threw his head back and let out a tired laugh. "Padfoot, I know America more than anyone. Trust me when I tell you that she's been miserable."

    A leap of hope jumped into Sirius' heart like a grasshopper in the spring. Maybe she really did care about him. He quickly shut it down. "How do you know?" he asked suspiciously.

    "America Potter is a master in disguising her emotions. Her favourite game is, make-belief. She's got everyone fooled but I see right through her and her little act." Remus sighed sadly. "Tell me what happened."

    Sirius only looked down at his lap, knowing that America would murder him in his sleep the moment he told Remus. "Nothing happened. We just . . . I don't know. She just cut me off. No explanation, no small talk, nothing. She simply cut all tabs with me."

    Remus nodded triumphantly. "I knew something was up."

    Sirius chewed on his bottom lip anxiously. "Why do you think she did it?"

    Remus brought his eyes up to Sirius'. He shrugged. "America's a smart girl. She would never do anything without a good enough reason."

    He drummed his fingers on his knee as he thought. "Can you talk to her for me?"

    Remus searched his friend's eyes. "It's that bad?"

    Sirius nodded.

    He let out a long sigh. "I can try, but I can't promise anything will work." He paused and thought. "I'll be with her in the library tomorrow at five-thirty in the afternoon. You can listen to us then." He stopped to look at him in the eye. "You can't fancy her."

    "Wh-what?" he sputtered out, panic rushing through his entire body.

    "Ames. You can't fancy her," Remus repeated, looking at him intensely in the eye. "She's James' little sister."

    "By seven minutes."

    "Sirius."

    "I don't even fancy her!" he whisper-yelled.

    "Yes, you do," Remus sighed. "They all have."

    A pang of jealousy hit Sirius in the chest. "You've liked Mer? But you're gay."

    Remus rolled his eyes. "Everyone in the bloody school has. Including Peter, would be including me if I weren't gay, and including you. But you can't. James would never forgive you if something happened."

    Sirius frowned. "You really think he wouldn't?"

    Remus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before letting out a long breath. He shook his head in thought as he stared at his knee. "James doesn't act like it, but he doesn't care about anyone in the whole world more than he does America," he told Sirius as if it were something he didn't already know. "And it's not that you would hurt her intentionally. Nobody ever plans those things out. But the point is that you could. When it comes to America with James, he will always assume the worst possible scenario."

    He nodded, at an uncharacteristic loss for words as he realized Remus was right.

    "James only knows extremes. He either loves you like he does America, you, Peter, me and Lily, or he hates you like he does Severus. There's not an in-between." Remus brought his eyes back up. "You're one of my best mates, Padfoot. But if you and Ames were to date, and you hurt her by any chance, I won't hesitate to break your jaw, possibly some ribs, and your collarbone if necessary." He stared at him dead in the eye.

    Sirius nodded. He didn't think Remus had to worry about him hurting her.

    The next morning, Sirius rolled out of bed and brushed his teeth, before taking out his first of many cigarettes of the day. The boy finished it and slumped his way to the Great Hall where he dropped down on his seat just to stare into oblivion.

    America Potter was breathtaking. If only it were easy to forget. Sirius was frozen as he took in the small things. Fluffy brown, red curls, thick eyebrows knit together just slightly to create a crease between them as she focused on her book, pieces of hair acting as a small curtain over her face, pink lips were moving slightly as she murmured the words in her book to herself.

    When she looked up and caught Sirius' eye, he forgot to breathe. She was looking at him — actually looking at him. Her eyes scanned his face and her face saddened. He could swear he was a small gloss of tears forming in her eyes before she looked away, and her eyes focused on her book again. Sirius convinced himself it was the light. Or the angle she was in.

    Maybe Remus was right. Maybe he still had a chance.