America walked to the empty quidditch pitch, toward Sirius who was sitting on one of the stands, smoking. She wouldn't admit that she had been watching him, but she had. This was his fifth cigarette today, which would have been fine if it was almost supper time, but it was barely eight-thirty in the morning.
She sat on the second-highest bleacher but settled for one lower, right beside him. She took out a cigarette and lit it, taking a hit, feeling the nicotine burn in the back of her throat as she looked to the large field, a million thoughts racing her mind. The grass that wasn't covered in snow already was yellowing and looked in desperate need of water.
"Smoking will kill you," Sirius pointed out, tapping the bud of his cigarette against the bench before bringing it to his mouth again as he looked at the school.
"Hm." She flicked the ash. "I thought you aware that I do a lot of things that will kill me."
"Is that so?"
"Mhm."
"Like?"
"Doing things, I could die from, caring for people I shouldn't care about, never leaving the library and not getting enough vitamin D."
Sirius rolled his eyes and looked at her coldly. "I think vitamin D is the least of your problems." His heart stopped when he looked at her face. He had to take a moment to register it as reality kicked in. There she was, talking to him, for the first time in a month.
"You're right. I have a lot of problems." She broke him out of his trance and made him go back into reality.
"An example?" he asked her.
"Dating my extremely overprotective brother's best friend who happened to get disowned by his family and moved in with us and if my brother ever found out and made the irrational decision to kick him out of the house, it would be all my fault." She stared at the school. "Sorry, but I'm not risking that."
"America," Sirius said angrily and took her jaw with his hand. "This isn't about James and you know it."
America ripped herself from his hard grip and turned back to the school. "This is exactly what this is about," she sneered. "So, we get back together. Okay. Then what? We keep it from James forever and let it blow up in his face after four years? Because he'll take that so well."
Sirius glared at her and she glared right back. "I know you don't want to accept it, but James isn't the only reason you ended things with me with no explanation. Why you would rub it in my face that you were fine while you knew I wasn't. You didn't care. And that's not because of James."
"Right, because I want to keep my shit together, it's all my fault," she scoffed. "We all have our ways of coping with things, Sirius, but if I'm not telling you that your coping mechanism isn't healthy and I'm not judging you for it, then you have no right to comment on mine."
"My coping mechanism?" He let out a bitter laugh and rolled his eyes. "Right, because that's been affecting you so much."
Her jaw set in place. "What do you know about what affects me and what doesn't?"
"Hm, tell me, America, what has been affecting you?" Sirius scowled.
She wanted to comment on the girls he's been with, but she bit her tongue. "Quit acting like this is all my fault, Sirius," she said calmly. "I care about you and I want to be with you, but I can't. You're not the only one who's hurt, so stop pretending you are."
YOU ARE READING
Without Another Choice- Sirius Black
Fanfiction"Ew, Ames. Never date a guy who likes V8," Remus said. She rolled her eyes. "And why not?" she challenged. "Because you can never trust a guy who drinks his vegetables," Sirius explained as if it were obvious. "Plus, tomato juice breath is r...
