Mists of Celeste - an Ateez Fanfic

act four ➻ part 8.5

"You need rest too, Seonghwa."

Said lieutenant lets his eyes flutter open at the sound of the voice, and he shifts to glance back at the person who just entered the room. It's Jongho rather than Yunho for once; the damn healer won't quit popping in to chastise Seonghwa for his less than stellar sleeping habits, but the lieutenant could not care less to be frank. If it's for his captain, he would do whatever it takes no matter the sacrifice.

"Did you just come back from visiting Yeosang?" Seonghwa inquires instead of addressing the issue at hand. He pulls back a bit from Hongjoong's bedside, knees scraping hard on the floor in a way that should burn, but his legs have long since gone somewhat numb. It's a pointless pursuit really because Jongho already saw him pressed so close to Hongjoong's side with both hands clasped over one of his captain's clammy and cold ones. Still, it offers at least a bit of peace of mind to turn away and look at someone who is both conscious and responsive.

"I did, yeah."

"And? How is he today?"

Jongho sways his head from side to side for a moment. Seonghwa doesn't need to be a genius to understand what that means, but it does help in deciphering the lingering emotion behind Jongho's red eyes.

"That bad?"

"I wish I could say he was better today but... nightmares." Jongho inhales sharply. Perhaps Seonghwa should be the one tending to Yeosang's mental state, but there is a bit of hesitance there because he feels quite a bit of failure himself when he looks at the Elitist. Once upon a time, he had sworn on pain of death that he would take care of Wooyoung and help keep him safe. He failed beautifully at doing even that simple task. Just as he failed you in his promises to keep you safe. As well as the endless promises he gave to Hongjoong about protecting him from harm.

Maybe that is the one thing Seonghwa is doomed to fail at time and time again without cease.

Still, this burden is a lot to put on Jongho's shoulders, especially as a Berserker and especially since he lost someone himself.

"And you? Are you having nightmares as well?"

"Bold of you to assume that I'm even sleeping," Jongho quips in response without a drop of hesitation. It stabs a deep gash into Seonghwa's heart, one the emanates off his shoulders in waves. No doubt Jongho can feel that pain, but he doesn't let his features shift in the slightest. "But no, I'm not having nightmares. Mingi is... I trust him. I know what he's capable of and how much he's willing to fight not only for himself but also for the crew. He is stronger than he knows, and his protective instincts are stronger than the bloodthirsty ones. He will keep them safe, and he'll keep himself safe in the process. I've been sleeping on the couch in Yeosang's room to help when he wakes up from the nightmares. Hard to sleep when he can barely go ten minutes without having bad dreams."

"Ah," Seonghwa exhales, and he needs no further explanation than that.

It is something Jongho used to do for San as well: stay in the young man's room not long after the mutiny happened because the trauma and horrifying memories that the event resurfaced for San were nearly too much to bear. Jongho stayed in there for several months just to keep the man sane through the night. Seonghwa has never been on the receiving end of Jongho's comfort, but he has seen the impact of it. Allowing someone to come so close to your heart and trauma is a special thing already, but having someone feel everything you feel while going through those traumatic memories is far more intimate. Despite his all too keen ability to help the crew through moments of emotional turmoil, Jongho rarely remembers to look after himself as well. He still absorbs those negative and overwhelming feelings, but he conceals the pains that he is left with as not to worry anyone. Seonghwa has watched the boy grow up — he knows him well enough to pick the pieces of his cracked shell away and see what's underneath.