The Game called Love

CONSEQUENCES

"When you make a choice you also choose the consequence."

I am still not sure if this is going to even work out. The fear of getting caught is slowly eating me alive. Just imagining all the things that can happen to us if we ever get caught scares the life out of me. It terrifies me to even think of what could be the consequences of getting caught?

We are definitely not the first ones to rebel and we will not be the first ones to fail if we do and we will not be the first ones to face the gruesome consequences that failure brings with it.

Many people have faced the different consequences which failure brings with it before. But the thought of what will be our consequence if we fail terrifies me.

The scariest part of all  is the guessing game that I am playing with myself, of  what the  consequences will be? The guessing game of what we will look like by the end of it is frightening.

Will our parents just forget that we ever existed and move on with their lives or use their hands to teach us the customs that we should have followed or will they send us far away from here till we have come to our senses or will they force us in an arrange marriage with no care of our love or the scariest of all will they just end us together, finally putting a complete end to our love story and us, ending any chance of it ever even rejuvenating.

But we have already made a choice and the consequences come with the choices. We have already chosen a consequence with the choice we made. I can just hope we will not have to face it.

I have been petrified of what the consequences could be from the very first day I realized that my love for one gender surpassed the other.

I was just fourteen when everyone around me was starting to get interested in boys and on the other hand boys still had cooties if you had asked me. By the age of fifteen I knew that my interest was in having a girlfriend rather than a boyfriend.

But I was always been a smart child, I knew better than to tell anyone about my 'uniqueness'. I knew better than to just assume that people will accept and move on. I knew better than even trusting my parents on this information. I knew better than to label myself as anything in public other than what was by default given to me. I knew better than to trust anybody with this secret of mine.

I knew better than to just accept it myself too. 

It was a struggle for me to accept that I was anything but straight, especially in an environment like mines where I knew that the consequences of failing were far too risky to even take the slightest chance. It was a struggle to label myself as anything other than what my premade label was. It was a struggle for me to accept that I was indeed a lesbian and it was okay to be one.

Then I promised myself that I will make a compromise, I will follow all my dreams but one. I will break all the rules and laws but one. I will be different in many ways but one. People will remember me for many different reasons but one. I made the comprise of keeping my secret a secret till my last breath

I made the promise to never fall in love, to never ever even hope or even wish for a happily ever after.

But when the supreme court in 2018 removed the law 377, the sixteen year old me could not help but hope, could not help but wish once for a happily ever after. The sixteen year old me could not help but envision what a future would look like if I could love whoever I wanted. What a happily ever after felt like, just like the ones in the fairytales.

But all the false hopes and wishes broke as soon as I realized that same sex marriages were still not legal and the biggest thing, the society would never ever accept us and the headlines in news articles and crime shows were a clear sign of what the consequences were, of what consequences looked liked and nobody cared until it was a headline and nobody cared after the first page was turned and the headline was no longer in their sight.

Out of sight out of mind is a correct saying because that is how easy it was for people to forget about the couples who were buried and burned alive, the couples who suffered the consequences of playing the game called love.

Then, one day Amaira entered my life and suddenly the consequences did not seem so horrific, suddenly the happily ever after I had wished for did not seem so impossible and suddenly the promises I had made did not seem so important. Suddenly rebelling against everyone I knew  jus for the one person I loved the most seemed the correct thing to do.

I had watched several interviews of people who were just like me, couples like us who wanted a happily ever after and some who had fought tooth and nail and were living their happily ever after, sure it wasn't as smooth and as effortless as the ones in the fairly tales but we were not in any way similar to a fairy tale couple either., so it was okay.

As people say slow progress is better than no progress. And I wanted that slow progress so badly.

As everyone always says LOVE IS LOVE, it should not matter what gender the person was or what gender they associated with or what label did they prefer.

After all Love is not about two genders but the two thirsty souls.

Only if it was that easy, even though I thought I had a community, a community that fought several battles each day to even survive in a country like mine but I forgot that everyone has to fight their own battles all alone, people can only help you fight but can not fight instead of you.

At the end every one has to fight their own battles and face and suffer through their own consequences all alone.

________

Don't be a silent reader, show support by commenting, voting and sharing.
-Rhea.