The Game called Love

COLD FEET

"It's hard to forget someone  who gave you so much to remember."

I hug my father tightly as we all head towards our room to sleep. I know that this will be the last time I hug them. I just want to be in my fathers arms far away and safe from every thing but I know that it is time to face everything and move forward.

"Are you okay Riya?" my father asks in a worried tone. 

I want to remain silent and just bask in his presence away from all the difficulties but I know he wants an answer. 

Some time silence is the best option as no words can explain what is going on in your mind and heart.

"Nothing father, it has been a long time since I have told you how much I love you," I try my best to sound as normal as I can but I know my father is skeptical about my behavior. I can only guess he thinks the act is about the marriage talk we had, if only he knew the truth.

"I love you too Riya, and remember that you can always come to me for any problem you have. I am always there. Sometimes I may not understand or agree with the problems but remember I will always support you however I can," my father tries to assure me but I know that he will not support me when this problem comes out but I wish that someday he will both understand me and support me unconditionally

I know he will not support this decision of mine and will not happily solve all the problems the world would throw in front of us.

I watch as my father enter his bedroom where I know my mother is waiting for him. He is definitely going to tell my mother about my behavior and she will check up on me the first thing in the morning.

What will be her reaction when she sees a letter in my room instead of me? What will she do? I can only guess.

I enter my room and just look at the room and reminisce all the memories I have made in the room. 

My first everything happened in this house.

This was the the very first house I ever lived in.

My first birthday, my first friendship, my first fight, my first skill, my first success, my first failure, my first party to my first sleepover, my first scolding, my first punishment, my first injury, my first lesson, my first crying session, my first movie marathon, my first attempt at interior designing, my first completely burned meal to my first perfectly cooked meal, my first fad, my first hobby to my first passion,  my first sip of alcohol to my first drunken night to my very first hangover.\

Everything happened here.

It is hard to forget something that gave me so much to remember it by.

I did not think that it will be so hard to leave everything behind. I knew it was going to be hard but not so hard that it makes me question everything I have planned so far.

It really makes me question my decision of running away and if I can even survive without my parents.

The ring of my phone breaks me out of my thoughts of longing and loneliness.

"Hello Amaira," I know that she is having the same thoughts as me and she is having a hard time too but we are also well aware that it is not possible to do anything else. 

"Riya, are you ready?" Amaira asks me and I know she is not just talking about the plan but for all the problems and consequences that are going to come in the future.

"I think so," my voice does not sure at all, but honestly it is a little late to question anything.

"Riya, let us meet at the bus station and make sure to cover your face so that no one can recognize you and do not talk to anyone on the way. Leave no witnesses behind," Amaira says and she sounds a little panicked.

"It seems that my crime shows have taught you some things too Amaira, you sound like me," I try to ease the situation a little bit.

"Riya, it feels so unreal. I am scared, my father has already chosen someone for me to marry and he is going to talk to him soon. We can not fail now Riya because if we do then the next time you will meet me I will have my marriage invitation in my hands," Amaira warms me and I do not even want to imagine a day when she has her own marriage invitation in her hands and my name is not the one printed on it.

"Amaira, do not worry. It is all clear on my side, we will not fail. Who did your father choose for you?" You can clearly hear the jealousy in my voice and I know that I can not beat that guy just because of the gender I was born with.

"Are you jealous Riya? Well I mean Amit Malhotra does have a upper hand in this game. I mean not only he is a man but a fine specimen of it too. Have you seen his super muscular body plus he is so good at what he does. Hasn't he received several business related awards? Plus my father loves him so much, he was the main course for the dinner today and my mom, the way she talks about him, it honestly looks like she would have married him herself if she could," Amaira is really not helping with my jealously.

"Well he can not be your cuddle bunny with all that muscle and I am pretty sure he has zero knowledge about psychology and you have zero knowledge about business so what are you guys going to talk about, the weather?"

I sound extremely passive aggressive and her laugh on the other end proves that she thinks so too.

"I was just joking, don't be so jealous,"  You can hear the laugh in her voice. She is trying hard and failing horribly at trying to hide her laughter. 

"It is time Amaira, time to run. Make sure to leave your mobile phone behind and look through your luggage one more time to check for anything they can track us through. I will do the same,"

"Sure Riya, I will meet you at the bus station, this will be the journey for us to reach the next level in the game of love," 

I know she is crying, I am too. We both wish that we did not have to do this just for a happily ever after. 

This is a coward step too, we could have came out to our parents and fought it from there but instead we chose to run away from our problems but to be honest I prefer the coward way. At least  I will not be their to see the clear disappointment in my family's face. At least I will not have to face their anger and hate.

"See you there Riya. I love you remember that,"

"I love you too Amaira. Goodbye,"

We both wish each other farewell knowing very well that this could be the last time we ever talk to each other if anything goes wrong.

I look around me one last time, recollecting every piece of memory that it scattered around me in different forms.

To be honest at this moment I am questioning everything I have done till now and  every thing I am going to do form now on. 

Should I really do this? Once I step out of this house every thing will change. Is running away the right decision?

Is Amaira worth losing everything I have including my family?

Will this path really lead us to the future we have wished and hoped for so long. I can only hope.

All these questions roam through my mind while I walk towards the bus station making me question everything but the thought of what our future could look like if we are successful lingers in my mind too.

The possibility of a happily ever after with Amaira just like we have dreamed about for so long trumps all the fears and possibilities of failure and consequences that failure may bring.

And that possibility keeps me going, going towards the future I have desperately wanted for long enough. 

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-Rhea.