Flip the Script

Agonize

"I'm back, have you decided?" Callie said as she walked back into the room.

"Not yet." Derek said

"Derek" Callie walked into the hallway and Derek followed

"She could have permanent damage if we don't do the surgery, you have to decide or help her decide by the end of today."

"Yeah I know that." Derek sighed

"Derek I have to operate soon, if we wait any longer we put her at risk for many things."

"And if we don't wait her life is at risk! We are not operating until we HAVE to." Derek said as he raised his voice

Derek walked away and went back into Meredith's room. Meredith had her eyes closed but she wasn't asleep, Derek could tell she was stressed so he sat next to her and held her hand.

"I think we should wait." Derek said

Meredith slowly let go of his hand and put her hand on her lap.

"I want the surgery." Meredith said with her eyes still closed

"Meredith" Derek said in shock and confusion

"I have a whole career ahead of me, I'm just starting out and I don't want it to end before I even get to experience it."

"Meredith, you also have a whole life ahead of you! You have children and me and-"

"Derek, I'm a surgeon. It's who I am, I don't know what I'd do without surgery."

Derek shook his head and walked out of the room. Meredith started crying and covering her face with her hand. She looked over at her left hand which was injured and stared at it.

She took a deep breath and thought about what she would be leaving behind without surgery. She'd be leaving patients, lives that need saving, her job, her career. Then she thought about what she would be leaving behind with the surgery. She could loose her kids, her husband, her friends.

She knew what she needed to do and she knew there was no right choice. She took another deep breath and waited for Derek to come back in.

"You're having the surgery?" Alex asked as he walked in

"No" Meredith responded

"Derek just said you were. That would be crazy, even for you."

"I'm not having the surgery. I was thinking about it but now I'm not."

"Okay." Alex said as he sat next to Meredith and held her hand

Alex got paged to the ER before he could say anything

"I got to go."

Meredith nodded and watched as he walked out. A couple seconds after Alex left Derek walked back in.

"Meredith-"

"I'm not having the surgery. You can say I told you so or whatever but I'm not having it."

"I was going to say that it's okay if you wanted the surgery."

"But it's not okay. I choose you and Bailey, and Zola not surgery"

Derek smiled and kissed her. It was a soft and gentle kiss, Derek cupped her face with his hands and kept them there after he pulled away.

"I love you." Meredith said as she stared into Derek's eyes

"I love you too."

The next day was just waiting and Meredith trying to get more mobility in her hand by squeezing a ball that was supposed to help her but it did nothing.