cosmic chaos ➣ a zodiac story

xiii - the battle of yin and yang

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WATCHING A CRIME happen and doing nothing about it makes you just as guilty as the person who committed the crime. You may not have done anything directly, but did you try to protect what was robbed? The guilt will wallow in your chest and slowly overtake you until you admit to not doing anything. It's one of the worse feelings out there.

Isaka simply felt useless, watching her fellow Deities and Demigods fight nobly for their nation as she tended to injured soldiers like an old maid. Who was she to sit back and watch? Who was she to be of authority and not engage in battle?

She knew she should be out there, beside her brother, unleashing her immaculate pair of wings. So why wasn't she?

The deed felt felonious.

Isaka checked a box on her notebook that kept a record of each patient. She placed the pen down on the table and watched it slowly rumble due to the battle ahead of her.

Battle; the word the haunted her. She could never conjure the courage to join one. She felt so useless, so worthless and helpless.

Pandora, Ami, Ginko, Via -- heck, even Takara. All of these empowering women could storm a battlefield if it was for the sake of their nation. They could all hold a weapon with grace and punch someone in the face if they were challenged. Why couldn't she?

Her brother, Sachiro, was out there fighting for their lives even though he was seriously injured from just defending Eikonoha. If he had not the physical strength for battle, his mental strength was more than enough.

So why couldn't Isaka be like her big brother or friends? Why couldn't she fend off others for her people?

Was she too weak? Was she too lazy? Was she unworthy?

So many questions attacked her mind like darts hitting a dartboard all in one go. They danced around in her brain like a whirling hurricane that came to destroy all her hope.

Yet, she already knew the answer.

Isaka knew she wasn't incapable of fighting, it was just that she couldn't. Her heart would stop her every time. She couldn't raise her hand against another, not anymore.

That one fateful day changed her mindset. It changed how she saw the world.

The reason why she never fought in battle was because of a previous fight. Something happened and haunted her for the rest of her life.

There was blood on her hands. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. She had committed something sinful. Who was she to take another's life?

Isaka felt weak and terrified of herself when she thought of fighting. She had no control over her mana when it was in its disintegrating form. That's why she preferred sticking to healing halo mana.

Still, even with that reason, she didn't like feeling useless. She was sick of watching everyone do what she couldn't. Isaka had to try.

Isaka quickly stood up, ready to head to the armoury with a set choice. She wanted to be of use. She wanted to try. But before she could leave the infirmary, the door opened, revealing two wounded soldiers helping each other by the shoulders. She gasped and ushered them to their own beds, where she started to tend to them.