Vie ¦ The BrownHousehold Awards

𝐵𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝐹𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑅𝑒𝑣𝑖𝑒𝑤

Judge: firexqueen

Not a Disney fairy tale by hsblisss
Gripping first paragraph 1/5
Near introduction to the characters 1/5
Setting of the story 1/5
Uniqueness 0.25/5
Intriguing the reader 0.25/5
Narration of the story 3/5
Choice of the starting point 1/5
Hook for the future 0.25/5
Grammar 5/10
Overall 2/10
You had a very small chapter in which you only considered telling what the girl was doing at the moment. That wasn't a hook at all since you kept a very small chapter and along with that, there was nothing about the story. I didn't get the idea of what's going to happen in the future all around the story. Try making the chapter a bit lengthy and make the chapter interesting to someone who decided to see inside of the story.
Total 14.25/60

Intersecting parallels by 9Worlds
Gripping first paragraph 1/5
Near introduction to the characters 4/5
Setting of the story 5/5
Uniqueness 3.5/5
Intriguing the reader 4/5
Narration of the story 3.5/5
Choice of the starting point 4/5
Hook for the future 5/5
Grammar 9/10
Overall 7/10
Overall you've done a very good job but in some places, you could have improved yourself. The first paragraph was not at all a grip but the ending managed to hook the reader very well. I felt like the chapter was slightly too long so that it got boring and that's also where the narration lacked. Digging a bit more into the emotions would result in a much better outcome of the story
Total 46/60

Burning desire by Maraj312
Gripping first paragraph 0/5
Near introduction to the characters 2/5
Setting of the story 0.25/5
Uniqueness 0.25/5
Intriguing the reader 0.5/5
Narration of the story 0.5/5
Choice of the starting point 0.25/5
Hook for the future 0.5/5
Grammar 4/10
Overall 1/10
Your story starts in an office with a lusty boss and a strong-headed girl. This situation is to be found in many Wattpad books. It's not intriguing or interesting at all. You should try to make it catchy and unique. There's near to no proper information about who the main characters are. The narration could be constructed in a much better way. Overall, try reconstructing the first chapter once again.
Total 9.25/60

You are my secret by addiction_01
Gripping first paragraph 1/5
Near introduction to the characters 1.5/5
Setting of the story 0.5/5
Uniqueness 0.5/5
Intriguing the reader 0.75/5
Narration of the story 4/5
Choice of the starting point 0.25/5
Hook for the future 0.75/5
Grammar 8/10
Overall 3/10
A totally common start doesn't seem to bring you good points at the topic of the story being unique. Your story start seemed common. Out of the 4 main characters, only one was properly introduced while one was halfway introduced. The college plot didn't help to make your first chapter more intense for the reader. However, I found that you had a good hand in your grammar.
Total 20.2560
 
The legend of Marmoris by El_Pa_Ca1601
Gripping first paragraph 4/5
Near introduction to the characters 2/5
Setting of the story 3/5
Uniqueness 4/5
Intriguing the reader 4/5
Narration of the story 3.5/5
Choice of the starting point 5/5
Hook for the future 3.5/5
Grammar 8/10
Overall 7/10
Your start was really interesting. All the important and useful pieces of information were provided in the first chapter. However, I felt that your whole focus was on Emma and her family when you actually mentioned Jessie, Rosie and Emma. Probably the starting point should rather include the three of them in a higher position than Emma alone.
Total 44/60

Undeniable love: mishbir by RealityOfSociety
Gripping first paragraph 0.25/5
Near introduction to the characters 0.5/5
Setting of the story 0.25/5
Uniqueness 0.25/5
Intriguing the reader 0/5
Narration of the story 0.5/5
Choice of the starting point 0/5
Hook for the future 0.5/5
Grammar 5/10
Overall 1/10
Your general starting point should have been chosen in a better way since that's what led to conducting marks at every place. You should try to provide something that makes your story different from other stories. Your grammar was acceptable but you should work on it and your narration. You lacked to portray the emotions of the characters properly.
Total 8.25/60

Riddles to be solved by priya_shady
Gripping first paragraph 0/5
Near introduction to the characters 0.5/5
Setting of the story 0.25/5
Uniqueness 2/5
Intriguing the reader 0.5/5
Narration of the story 2/5
Choice of the starting point 0.5/5
Hook for the future 1/5
Grammar 6/10
Overall 2/10
Your story didn't get introduced at all at this moment. Your characters weren't that clear. It didn't suit your genre and there was nothing that would make a reader stay. You should work to make it more interesting and catchy at this place. You should also try to edit it based on grammar mistakes.
Total 14.25/60

The wedding month by neon_girl27_08
Gripping first paragraph 0.5/5
Near introduction to the characters 5/5
Setting of the story 2.5/5
Uniqueness 1.5/5
Intriguing the reader 1/5
Narration of the story 3.5/5
Choice of the starting point 2.5/5
Hook for the future 0.5/5
Grammar 7/10
Overall 6/10
I found your first paragraph was totally out of the context and not at all understandable. However further going, the setting became better but it was lacking a whole bunch of uniqueness. Therefore it was less intriguing and I found no hook for the future since no problem or situation is available in the first chapter. At some places, you had spelling and punctuation mistakes that could have been avoided.
Total 30/60

Fallen apart by anuliya123
Gripping first paragraph 0.5/5
Near introduction to the characters 0.5/5
Setting of the story 0.25/5
Uniqueness 0/5
Intriguing the reader 0.75/5
Narration of the story 0.5/5
Choice of the starting point 0/5
Hook for the future 1/5
Grammar 2/10
Overall 1/10
Your common start happens with the introduction of the multi-millionaire male lead who desires peace. The angel is the only thing which is a bit interesting in there and other than that there's just a common cliché to be found. You really need to work upon proper punctuation and sentence formation. Avoid emoticons at any place of the story.
Total 7/60