Definition Diner

41. the end

Saturday, November 29

I don't bother responding to either the calls or text messages, instead heading directly from Cade's house to Colins. Usually, I would be a decent human being and wait until he was awake, but in the moment it doesn't matter. The boy will be just fine if I wake him up in the middle of the night.

I don't pay attention to what roads I turn on or whatever music is left on the radio from Cade earlier.

I'm only pulled back into the present when I put my car in park and march up to Colin's front door, about to try the handle before I remember that it's almost three in the morning and no sane person would leave their front door unlocked at this hour.

The next instinct is to start pounding on the door until either it crumbles to the ground or Colin opens it. But I'm not sure if his parents are home since they park in the garage, so calling him until he unlocks the door will have to be the way this works.

The first call goes unanswered, the ringing lasts forever. I'm about to call again when his name pops up on my phone instead.

"Why are you calling me right now. I was asleep and now I'm not going to remember the dream I was having."

"Open the front door."

His end goes quiet and I start to pull the phone away from my ear to see if he's still there. "What?"

"Open the front door."

I hear him mumble something along the lines of 'what in the fresh hell' before I can hear his breath change from going down the stairs, causing me to hang up.

Seconds later the front door is being opened, a sleepy-eyed Colin standing in front of me. Hair tousled and shirt wrinkled. "This better be good." He turns away, starting to walk to the back of his house before I even get the chance to explain myself. Halfway to the back doors, he stops, turning ever so slightly back to look at me, "wait. Why are you here?"

It's clear that he wants to go outside, his parents most likely asleep upstairs, so I wave my hand towards the door before I spill my guts.

I can tell he wants to know now, by the way he starts to cross his arms across his chest, but finishes the route to the doors and outside anyways. "What's wrong?" The annoyed tone is dropped, along with the sleep in his eyes. Instead, he looks wide awake, concerned with my presence. Colin takes my silence as a signal to continue. "You told him?"

My head shakes before I can manage to get the word out. "No."

God, I'm such a teenage girl.

Instead of just telling Cade like a normal person, I wake up my best friend at three in the morning to cry in their arms.

Literally.

Colin pulls me into a hug as soon as he sees the tears welling up in my eyes. "I don't know why I can't just tell him. Why is it so hard?" After last weekend I had made up my mind that I was going to tell Cade that I wanted to give the whole thing a shot. If it only lasted nine months, then at least we had fun. But it wasn't worth being around each other for that whole time while we both liked each other but not acting on anything. I had gotten over the Leah thing, he clearly wasn't happy in the relationship for months so I wouldn't be a rebound. The paranoid thoughts I had about it being one big joke were crushed when Colin didn't know anything. He can't lie and there was no way he wouldn't be in the joke. So now, it was my issue. My issue with having to eventually deal with heartbreak.

And I needed to get over it.

After the first sniffle that gets muffled into Colin's shoulder, he starts rubbing my back. "Jesse, you've been through so much, there's nothing wrong with you being apprehensive with expressing your feelings." Deep down I know Colin is right. I shouldn't expect misfortune to keep finding its way to me. "Especially after all the crap we put you two through."