“Don’t hold a grudge with her over this” Denaun words played over in my head on repeat “Reach out to her and just make sure she’s okay” and so far for once I’d taken his advice.
Jasmin had tried to apologise for the meeting with her husband but I pushed my grievances with that to one side, for once not interested in talking about myself. I’d just wanted to know that she was okay.
It was my thing to be mean and strike out at my perceived threats weakest spots. Keep poking and prodding at it and they would disintegrate in front of me much to my pleasure, I hadn’t wanted to strike out at Jasmin but I’d done it with my words and regretted it instantly as I had done so often in the past.
What a situation to find myself in, in love with a woman I couldn’t really have. A turn up for the book considering all the bitches out there that wanted my dick. I just couldn’t shake off the feeling that if things were different, if Jack wasn’t around then we’d be together, I’d have my girl and be fucking over the moon with life.
That’s the thought that keeps me awake at night because if Jack dies, it will destroy Jasmin. I know deep down I’m just somebody she sees to blow off a little steam, she wanted a distraction from life and I’d been happy enough to give it to her and that was the crux of it because I’d give her anything she wanted, anything.
Denaun had warned me to try and take a step back, to enjoy the sex but not to get into deep with her, she would, he said in time hurt me, whether she wanted to or not and I didn’t think she wanted to at all but her circumstance could change and she’d leave me high and dry.
I get that he was worried about me, but I also knew he was somewhat happy that I wasn’t screwing my way through a row of tinder dates presently.
The last piece of advice he gave me that if I couldn’t improve her life, I could try and make it less stressful and that’s why I bought her the truck. I told Jasmin it was for Jack but really it was for her, she could get him out of the house and in doing so improve her own life, go to the beach, whatever the hell she wanted to do, give her back some freedom.
“They’ll come a time when you’ll need to end it Marshall, because she won’t want to let you go but it’ll be the best thing for all of you” I pretended not to hear those words, shoved them deep down in the back of my mind, tucked them away and forgot about them.
I glanced at my watch, she’d only left a couple of hours ago and I sat moping in my boxer shorts, wanting to talk to her but it wasn’t quite ten pm yet so I sat on my hands and tried to distract my mind from her.
Standing up I Intended to pace the fucking floor until it was time to call her but instead I winced as my thighs burned, a flashback of fucking her against the door frame of my bedroom passed quickly in my mind, the pain in my thighs a reminder of her being here and being buried inside of her. Fuck I needed to get out and do something, I’d cut loose in the old days, a bottle of Bacardi to numb my thoughts but I’d even ruined that for myself.
Two weeks later some of those words and thoughts had been conveniently forgotten and my blood was boiling, I could feel the tension in everything I touched, I’d snapped a fucking shit ton of pencils at the studio trying to write yesterday and the reason for my tension, as soon as it had hit ten pm last night I was on the phone to her whispering aggressively down the line at Jasmin, I didn’t know why I was whispering I was alone in my house, I think I actually feared speaking out loud to her, afraid I would just explode.
“Wednesdays are my fucking day, don’t ever fucking let me down again” I paused for a breath, the silence coming from her end just making me worse, my free hand gripped and pulled at my short hair “I fucking wait for you all week and you just message me saying no, who the fuck do you think you are Jasmin. You know I can fuck anybody I want and you leave me hanging” I was absolutely livid that I hadn’t fucked her last week. I bought her a fucking top of the range truck, the least she could do was show up on a fucking Wednesday.
