Giggling away to myself I push my horse into a canter to catch up with Jayne and her horse half way round our favourite trail, Marshall’s shocked face replayed over in my mind. I had every intention of going back and finishing what he’d hoped I was starting later but for now I was enjoying making him sweat.
“Hey why aren’t you with lover boy?” Jayne looked surprised by my arrival.
“I saw him for breakfast and now I’m punishing him” I said, sounding rather pleased with myself, she laughed at me.
“Dare I ask what he’s done to deserve this treatment?” she smirks over at me while we continue making our way round the trail.
“He had a full on meltdown over the fact I couldn’t go see him last week, I’m teaching him that I am not at his beck and call” Jayne laughs and shakes her head at me.
I was making light to my best friend about what had happened earlier but inside I hoped Marshall got the hint, if my husband was sick, Wednesday or not I wasn’t leaving him with anyone else. I was his primary caregiver and more than that I wanted to be with him when he wasn’t feeling well, I wanted to give him the comfort and care he needed. I did not need to be shouted at and virtually choked to death by Marshall for this. I needed him to understand that. It was hard and I understood that but he was a grown ass man for God sakes.
“What’s happening with you and Denaun then?” my attempt at changing the subject earned a sigh from Jayne, she glanced at me, a smile spread across her face, her cheeks reddening with whatever she was thinking about him.
“Not telling just yet!” yeah she was falling hard for him, I recognised the signs and I was pleased for her, he seemed like a good man.
“Are you happy?” I asked, she nodded her head vigorously at me and the fact she was happy filled my body with warmth.
What was becoming increasingly obvious to me however was Marshall’s own struggle with his feelings, I don’t think he trusted them, maybe he was confused between lust and love and it didn’t take a genius to work out the level of distrust he’d gained from the previous women in his life, all you had to do to know what had happened was to Google that hot mess.
I didn’t want him to be in love with me on the one hand but on the other maybe I did. I certainly felt more for him than I should and that was continuing to deepen despite my best efforts just to keep this as an arrangement of sorts.
Why was life so fucking hard.
“That was a big sigh Mima.” My friend points out as we ride in comfortable silence next to one another.
“Do you think I’m a bad person Jaynee?” she regards me silently, “I ask because I’m beginning to think of myself in that way.”
“I don’t think you have a bad bone in your body Mima, what’s bought this on?” she sounds concerned by my question.
“This whole thing with Jack and Marshall is wrong. Jack is my husband yet he’s turning a blind eye to the fact I’m having sex with another man. I’m falling for Marshall and its really starting to play havoc with my head” I needed to get this off my chest and I already feel a weight lifted from my shoulders just by speaking my concerns aloud.
“But this was Jack’s plan” she points out to me.
“Doesn’t mean I had to go along with it, jump on some strange guys dick and let myself get feelings for him, it wasn’t Jacks plan for me to fall in love with another man. I’m such a cheating slut” I could cry with the way I’ve been behaving, cheating on my husband and more than likely about to add myself to Marshall’s list of women he hates.
“Listen Jasmin, you're no slut. Yes Jack is your husband but it’s in name only Mima, I know you’ll hate me for saying that but it’s the truth. You care about him so much but I’ve heard how mean he can be, I seen him twisting you up and saying if you go out on a Wednesday you’ll come home and find him dead. We all love and care about Jack, but he’s not the man you married”
