Diary Of A Lovesick, Immature, Slightly Depressed Fangirl (A Dan Howell Fanfic)

THURSDAY, JANUARY 14, 2015

This is going to be a letter. I have decided to send this journal to Dan. He deserves to know what I have to say about him. And what I have said about him.

So here goes nothing.

Dear Daniel,

I don't even know where to start. Or maybe I do, and I'm just under so much emotional stress that I'm having trouble functioning properly. Yeah, that's probably it.

I have loved you since I found your channel, way back in 2009. I was one of your first subscribers. I was one of the first people who bought merchandise from Districtlines and Dan and Phil Shop.

I was always daydreaming about meeting both you and Phil, but I never thought it would ever happen, especially not like I did. Three days on only nine hours of sleep isn't a good thing. But it was apparently worth it.

I do have very strong feelings for you Dan, and I was kinda shocked to discover that you had some too. And I know what happened was in no way your fault. My sister is just a bitch, always trying to take my existential crisis and turn it into suicide. I'm not going to let her drive a wedge between us, so I'm just going to pull away. I'm going to uni and I am becoming a doctor. I have enough money to pay for it along with all my bills for my new flat, and with Ambrosia & Nectar going international, I am making more money than ever. I'll be fine on my own.

And my blades? I still have them. They will serve as a constant reminder as to why I should keep trying, persevering through all of life's bullshit. But I don't trust myself. Therefore, I am sending you the key as well this journal, in hopes that I will never be able to open that gods forsaken box. Don't let me get a hold of it ever. No matter what.

And no. I have no intention of speaking to you or Phil. But know that you both mean the world to me. Tell Phil that I'll be alright. Tell him I'm sorry. Tell him to forget about me. You should too. Move on. And if you ever worry about me, just watch my YouTube videos. And know that every Younow, radio show, and video that you or Phil make, I will watch it. I'll keep ordering merchandise, keeping up with whatever you've got.

And who knows? Maybe our paths will cross in the future. Hopefully you or Phil won't be laying in a hospital bed. But until then...and know that I have never said this to anyone other than family and Phil...

I love you. With all my living being. Which is why I'm saying goodbye.

Yours to have and to hold (in the future),

Alecto Samantha Burleigh

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I already know what I'm doing for the sequel. It's not gonna be in diary form. That's just too much work. I'll upload an A/N later today or tomorrow with the details. Sorry if this sucks too badly.

Thanks for reading (if you even bothered with this shitty story!)

Andromeda Leigh Barnett