Diary Of A Lovesick, Immature, Slightly Depressed Fangirl (A Dan Howell Fanfic)

FRIDAY, JANUARY 9, 2015

Dear journal,

I am an emotional wreck.

Dan came back yesterday. I know, you probably want to know all about it. But let me just warn you. Things get quite...interesting, to say the least.

So, Dan and Phil knocked on the door, Marie answered the door. They entered, and at the sight of them, I ran off to my bedroom. I slammed the door shut and closed myself into my closet. I put my phone on mute, making it so it wouldn't vibrate or make any sound. Now, I know what you're probably thinking. I was practically begging for them only yesterday, and now I'm hiding away in my closet. That was before I locked myself in the bathroom and had an intervention that lasted over night. I was at my breaking point.

I heard a loud knocking from outside my door.

"Alec!" Dan shouted. Oh how I missed his voice. "I'm coming in." I heard the door open, and two pairs of footsteps walked into my room, closing the door behind them.

"Dial her cell," Dan told the other person, who I'm guessing is Phil. My phone screen lit up, and I quickly denied the call.

"She isn't answering," Phil said with a sigh.

"Alec?" Dan said softly. "Just come out so we can talk to you. We aren't mad. We just want to make sure you are okay." I felt a tear fall down my face. I quickly unlocked my phone and texted Dan.

'Why? So you can just clear your conscious?' Send.

"We just want to see that you are okay," Phil stated, obviously reading off of Dan's phone. "We care about you." I heard footsteps come toward the closet door. I quickly wrapped my arms around my face and buried my face in my knees. They didn't need to see proof that I was crying. The door to the closet door opened, and I was immediately engulfed by warm arms.

"Oh my god," Dan whispered as he cradled my unresponsive form. I wouldn't unroll from my protective ball. "Please look at me."

I lifted my head up enough to see Dan and Phil's faces. They were a mix of worry, relief, joy, and, most of all, disappointment. I felt more tears prickle my eyes. Dan outstretched his arms, silently asking for a hug. A tear trailed down my cheek as I threw my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder. He squirmed a bit from me touching his neck before squeezing the living daylights out of me. He released me long enough to let Phil attack me with a bear hug. Once Phil released me, Dan whispered something in his ear and he left. I looked at Dan with a confused face. He engulfed me in another hug, which I gladly returned.

"Why were you hiding?" he asked me quietly.

"Because I was afraid of what you'd say to me," I responded shyly.

"And you haven't left your house in five days?" I nodded. "Oh my god." He hugged me tighter.

"Why did you make Phil leave the room?" I asked suspiciously. Dan pulled away and smiled at me. He cupped my cheeks, leaned in and placed his quivering lips on mine. He smiled when he felt me kiss back. He deepened the kiss leaning closer towards me, forcing me to move back until I reached the wall. He began placing kisses down my jaw and on my neck. I quietly moaned when he reached my sweet spot, pushing him slightly away. He smiled at me and began to kiss me on the lips again. He pulled away after a few minutes.

"That was fun," he said breathlessly, staring down at my small form.

"Yeah," I said. "Maybe we should do that again sometime." Where did that confidence come from? He smirked quite seductively. He then stood up and offered me a hand, which I gladly took. We walked out of the room and into the lounge, hand in hand. Everybody looked at us with happy expressions while I covered my face with my hair. Dan tugged my hand a little, bringing me all the way to the sofa where we could watch Phil, Leigh, Ann, and Marie play Cards Against Humanity. He then dropped my hand as soon as we sat down, leaning forward to get a better view of the game.