Diary Of A Lovesick, Immature, Slightly Depressed Fangirl (A Dan Howell Fanfic)

SUNDAY, JANUARY 4, 2015

Dear journal,

I didn't sleep last night. I just drank a monster and a few cups of coffee. I wanted to cherish every moment that Dan and Phil were in my flat, as creepy as that may sound. But I would miss them. They were my internet idols, the people I worshipped, the people that inspired me to start making YouTube videos in the first place. The people that made me strong enough to lock up the razors.

And they were leaving.

I had been in the nerd lounge all night, contemplating my shit storm of a life. That is, until Phil came in to see me curled up into the fetal position in the corner, surrounded by empty Monster cans and Starbucks bottles.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked worriedly.

"When were you planning on telling me you were leaving?" I asked in response. "Or were you just going to disappear without giving me another thought?" He sighed.

"Did Dan tell you?" I nodded angrily. "I was planning on leaving a note on your door. We were going to leave while you were at work."

"Why? So that I could just cry myself to sleep? So you guys could make me feel like I drove you away?" He looked at me with concern.

"How long have you been up for?"

"37 consecutive hours, why?" He sighed, shaking his head.

"You need some sleep."

"I'm fine, thank you very much. What time are you guys leaving exactly?"

"Now? About four thirty. And it's only six o'clock."

"Why are you up so early?"

"I didn't sleep well. I'm just going to go get dressed, then I was going to go out and get us all some breakfast and coffee."

"Alright. I'm going to go check on Dan." He went to his room, not finding him, then went to mine. I shut the door behind me, seeing Dan curled up in a ball on my bed. I smiled to myself, climbing into bed next to him. He had pushed the covers off of himself in his sleep, so I covered both him and I with my duvet. I wrapped my arms around Dan's neck, feeling him squirm a bit. He uncurled himself from a ball and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into his chest, forcing me to remove my arms from his neck, and entangled his legs with mine. Him unconsciously cuddling with me gave me a little bit of hope that he wouldn't completely forget about me.

We stayed that way for about an hour before his eyes fluttered open.

"Morning," I said halfheartedly. He frowned slightly.

"What time is it?" he asked, making no attempt at getting up.

"About seven." He scrunched his eyes closed, groaning.

"Too early. Why are you awake?"

"I didn't sleep. Are you going back to sleep?" I asked, pouting slightly. He looked at my face once before sighing.

"I suppose not. Do you want to get up?" I shook my head snuggling into his chest.

"Why didn't you go to sleep?" he asked, slightly groggy.

"I just wasn't able to. Phil found me in the nerd lounge about an hour ago. I was sitting in the fetal position surrounded by coffee bottles and Monster cans. I probably looked like I got hit by a frickin train."

"Did you get up while I was asleep?" I nodded. "Oh. Okay. Well, do you want to tell me what happened with Leigh?" I felt tears gather in my eyes.

"Do you want to tell me why you let him in at ten at night?" I asked my voice cracking.

"Sorry. He said that he needed to talk to you and that it was urgent."