Diary Of A Lovesick, Immature, Slightly Depressed Fangirl (A Dan Howell Fanfic)

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2014

Dear Journal,

I managed to paint you black. I then added white stickers onto the cover that spelled out journal. Diaries are for seven year olds. You have been transformed into an adult. Be happy.

So I did manage to answer the phone last night. I think it was a prank call gone wrong though. The man on the other end said nothing but 'fuck' in an extremely familiar accent. I thought to myself, 'Now, Alec. You know that voice. Where the fuck have you heard that voice? Bloody hell, you're a disappointment to yourself. And you're yelling at yourself in your own head. Great.'

Ahem. Right...

So, my mind has come to the conclusion that 1) I was prank called by some random guy who's voice sounds like a certain YouTuber's voice, 2) I was really asleep having one of my weird fantasies...again...or 3) I have been getting phone calls from a famous YouTuber every night at two in the morning for two weeks. I'm just gonna go with the first one. But I'm still going to try and answer the phone the next time I get a call.

So, the person that sent out that hate comment from my last entry commented again. Her words really shouldn't get to me, yet they are the only things I seem to think of as I'm momentarily consumed by the swirling black void in the back of my brain that sends me to a place full of existential crisis and OCD issues and my worst fears such as heights or screen doors...or playground structures. I'm probably going mental. Oh well.

But this comment was even worse than last time. Instead of sending me into an abyss of thoughts, this sent me into a swirling void of suicidal thoughts and self-loathing. I can't even rewrite those words without looking at the bottom drawer of my side table where I keep the things I can't stand to be around such as stuffed toys from past outings with guys or a small collection of miniature razors in a locked wooden case.

I deleted the comment, not bothering to report the girl in fear of more harassment. So I put my computer in the top drawer of my side table and decided to go out for a coffee at the place in which I am employed. I shrugged on my right black trench coat after redoing my fishtail braid and slipped on my black Vans. I was in a bad mood, therefore my attire was all black. Including my gloves. The only piece of colored clothing I seemed to be wearing was my Hufflepuff that I purchased from Universal Studios.

I marched out my door and walked down the three flights of stairs that were between my flat and ground floor. I then walked out the revolving doors, taking long and confident strides. The brief amount of time it took for me to get to the coffee shop was spent by my mind taking in my surroundings.

The cool winter air blew around the scent of coffee and freshly baked goods from the café down the road. Though, the only place with decent coffee was the place I worked. There was only a few cars driving in my neighborhood, thanks to the dense clouds overhead and the freezing temperature. Christmas lights that wouldn't be taken down until the first of January twinkled and brightened the dull street and empty shops.

As I was walking, snowflakes began to sprinkle down and stick on the frozen ground. It began to snow harder and harder until I could barely see in front of myself. Miraculously, I found my way to the coffee shop known as Ambrosia & Nectar. I wiped my boots on the mat before making my way to the espresso machine to make my favourite drink, a quadruple espresso. I then walked over to the register to pay for my drink.

"Can I get this and a banana creme muffin?" I asked my my co-worker Marie. She had her back turned.

"Those are only for employees," she said without looking at me.

"I know. I got my card with me if you need identification."

She looked up and grinned when she saw me. Nodding, she took my card and scanned it, giving me my discount on my items.

"What's up, Alec?" she asked.

"Eh, I wanted coffee. Also, I was having a mental cringe attack and needed to get our of the house."

"My shift is almost over. Do you wanna make a collab video?" Marie was a starting YouTuber same as I but with only about 25,000 subscribers.

"Sure. You might wanna bring an overnight bag over. I plan on finding out who keeps calling." She knew about the strange phone calls. She was at my house a few times the person called.

"Ooohh! Did you actually answer it last night like you said you would?" I nodded. She smiled.

"I'm guessing they hung up. Bummer. Well, my shift should be ending as soon as Ann gets here. So I'm gonna go gather my stuff. Here's my car keys. Go warm the thing up." She tossed me her car keys and walked into the office to gather her belongings.

The video we made was a huge hit, getting almost one thousand views in about an hour. It took me around the hours to edit. But totally worth it.

My fans, known as the Lifeless, commented on my video, making me extremely happy. Marie's fans, known as the Soulless, also commented, some even subscribing to me. Marie earned a few more subscribers, too.

The phone call. I answered it and had a short conversation with the person. It went like this:

"Hello?" I said.

"Oh shit-erm, hi," the man on the other line said awkwardly.

"May I ask who finds it necessary to call me at two in the morning for two weeks straight?" I asked bitterly.

"Uhm, sorry about that. My flatmate, Phil, tells me not to call during the day. I have no clue why."

"You never answered my question." I was getting patient at this point. And slightly (and fangirlishly) suspicious. That accent was familiar. And he had a flatmate named Phil...

"Oh-erm-uhm. This is Dan. Dan Howell. This is MeghanNeedsALife, right?" BOOM. Life changer. And ovary exploder.

"Y-yes. Yes this is her."

"Um, Phil and I were wondering if you wanted to meet up somewhere. I know you live in the north so we were going to take a train and stay at a hotel."

"That would be great! And the hotels around here are shitty. I have a spare room in my flat that you guys can stay in, if you'd like."

"Are you sure?"

"What, are you scared to stay in a flat with a Phan, Daniel?"

"Slightly." I chuckled.

"Don't worry. I only own a kitchen knife. You'll be fine."

"Alright. When and where do you want to meet up?"

"Meet me at Ambrosia & Nectar tomorrow at noon." I gave him the address and the easiest route from the train station.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," he said happily.

"Until then." He hung up. By that time, Make was looking at me with a curious face. She was a huge member of the Phandom, with the wristbands and shirts and even Dan's llama hat. I looked at her as smiled.

"Holy fuck," I breathed. "I'm going to meet Dan and Phil. Tomorrow. And they're staying here." Her eyes widened and she fainted. I laughed and picked up this here journal and started this entry.

And now I'm going to finish it, set my alarm, and go to sleep in this complete state of 'what the holy fuck'. Goodnight.

Love,
Alec