these stone walls (Dark Academia Imagine)

14. leave

You woke up to the moon still dimly shining over the horizon. Dawn wasn't far away, you hoped. To no surprise at all, Arthur was pressed against your back, had he not been giving off such a pleasant scent or a gentle tingle on your skin you would have pushed away. But he was, and the warmth of his embrace was addicting. His head placed ever so gently against the crock of your neck, the tide of his breathing giving you soft shivers every now and then. His arm was wrapped so delicately around your waist, your hand covering it lightly.

You were reminded of the conversation that reeled out last night, maybe the reason you still felt like hell. Even though Arthur's touch pulled you deeper and deeper into him, you felt the burning desire release yourself from it. You wanted to leave.

Had you the impression he was gonna take you to the dance, yes, maybe, you hoped. Why else would he allow himself to get closer to you. Why would he caress your cheeks in such ways, why else would he look for you in the crowded classrooms. You had fallen so foolishly for him, you started to think he didn't mean anything he did. No sweet gestures where real, no hugs no touches, no soft smiles. Nothing. Not even right now, as his arms wrapped around you, meaningless touch. Why would he ask you to stay tonight if he really didn't mean it.

You felt pathetic, ridiculous. The fact that you had so easily fallen into whatever shit charm he gave off, not even thinking twice. You were furious at what you got yourself into. Angry at the mess you had created, at the pain inside you for just being. At the weakness that engulfed you. You feel helpless. Powerless, nothing you could do could make him change his mind. Nothing you could do could relieve you of this pain.

Why would he waste his time on you if he was into someone else. Why would he call for you, if he didnt want you. You started to regret everything, the reason why you were so vulnerable. The moments in wicht unknowingly, he captured you. You regretted the first time you saw him, you regretted staying so long at the library with him. You regretted the long conversations, you regretted walking in the hallways. You regretted laughing, smiling at him. You regretted ever accepting to play that stupid soccer game. You regret letting him carry you away. You regretted letting him stay, letting him get close.

If you weren't on his mind like he was on yours, why would he waste all his position on you.

No one warned you that this could happen, only yourself. No one warned you of the helpless feeling that grew inside of you, only your own thoughts at night. And you were right, you are right now as vulnerable as you could ever be. You were right now what you feared most.

Only now, in his arms, did you feel more trapped than ever. You wanted to release from him, from the pain he caused on you. You wanted to distance from him, you wanted to leave.

You didn't care if it was still fairly dark outside, or whether you would get in trouble for roaming the halls at this hour. You just wanted to get away from him.

You grabbed his arm wrapped around you and forcefully threw it away from you, not caring if he'd wake up or not. You pushed the sheets away from you and stood up. You changed into your uniform and stumbled while putting on your shoes, careless of whatever loud thump or noise you caused.Grabbing your bag you were ready to head out when you hit your hip against his wooden desk. The corner of the desk puncturing your skin with a loud thump.

"Shit" you exclaimed. Probably a little too loud, holding both our hands over your right hip, trying to ease the pain. You heard shifting in the bed and a second later, Arthur's voice.

"Hey... hey" it was soft and husky. He got up as soon as he recognized your figure in the dark. "What are you doing?" he whispered.

You let out a  groan in pain still making pressure on your hip. "I bumped into your stupid desk.... Auch"

He got up to you, you could smell the sleepiness in him. "You were leaving" he said, to himself mostly, not expecting it.

"Uh yeah i was leaving, what am i supposed to do here? Cuddle you until you fall asleep? Bring you company because you feel lonely? Fuck no. is that why you ask me to stay? Is that why you want me, just to give you comfort?" you said. It was obvious you were hurt, and angry.

"What- y/n no!" he replied. "You are great company, and your a great friend too"
You scoffed so he could here. You couldn't believe he had just said that. What is it about men that make them so selfcentered and stupid. 

"I can't believe you," you said. And turned to the door. Placing your hand on the knob and twisting it. He pulled at your other hand so you could look at him.

"What- don't... what's wrong?" concern in his voice and in his deep brown eyes. You looked at him for a moment, almost crumbling right in front of him again, but you knew better. You hardened the glare you had on him and withdrew your hand from his clutch.

"You are wrong... whatever this is, it's wrong" you said, turning to the door and opening it, being welcomed by the noiseless winds of the common room.

"You're jealous" he said just as you stepped out of the room. The audacity he had to assume this was ridiculous, it made you turn on your heel in a second and glare at him.

"Oh you must think you're so bold, don't you? You cracked the code sherlock" you said with a daring look, getting one step closer with every word, until your faces were inches away. You hoped he could see the rage in your eyes, as dawn was starting to peek upon the mountains.

"Jealous of what? Huh? Tell me" you dared

" Olivia, you were hoping i would take you to the dance, weren't you?" he said. Now these words hurt you, more than you wished. But on the outside, it only made you angrier.

"Oh for fucks sake give me a break. The least I could be is jealous of that girl."

"Then why are you leaving, god, stop making a big deal out of everything."

"I'm leaving because that's what friends are supposed to do. Because friends don't sleep in the same bed and cuddle, and friends don't hug me like you do and .... Fuck." you realized you said too much with not so many words.

"y/n..." he started

"Cut the shit arthur, i'm tired of it. You know you don't treat your friends like this, you know you don't wrap your arms around their waist and pull them closer in a hug. You dont ask them to come and fucking sleep with you, do you? You don't... you just don't do stuff like that with friends. So if that's what we are, if that's what you want, this is me being a  friend"

And with that you stormed out of his oh so cozy room, and you ran, in any direction you ran, away from him , the furthest you could get.