these stone walls (Dark Academia Imagine)

22. "can we not"

Sunday morning, the sun was already over the hills. Both of your body's sunk over the bed, distance separating you. You were warm in between his sheets, you thought it probably would have been better than having his arms around you. You both lay away, facing opposite sides, you weren't aware of that, neither of you.

You dared not to move or make a sound. You thought he was still asleep, and if you woke him up that would mean you would inevitably have to bring back the topics you dropped in the middle of the night. The poisoned feeling in your blood was now completely gone, but the sick feeling in your guts caused by his presence, and the past events were still there.

Suddenly you heard an abrupt shuffle and after you felt the mattress lift. Arthur stood up and instantly you closed your eyes shut, pretending to be asleep. You could feel his steps, you didn't know what it was, they were strong but sullen at the same time. He walked around the bed and without looking at you, as if strongly resisting from it, he pulled clothes out from the dresser and walked to the bathroom.

You heard the shower running seconds after. What was it? Was he sad? Or mad at you? You kind of hoped by morning things would be ok, maybe less tense but seems as if you were wrong. You covered your face under the blankets and grunted in despondency. You didn't care if he heard or not, probably not. You didn't want to go through this uncomfortable interaction between you two. You knew things had happened last night that might have caused this resentment but, you just wished the coming conversation you had to have with him was easy to handle, no strange, hurt or disappointed looks.

More of all, you just wanted whatever this was to have and end. You were really tired of not knowing if you really wanted him as a friend, or something more. You were tired of all the feelings he made you feel, the uncertainty, the jealousy you had to admit, was getting to you. Why do people make you feel such things? Is it just difficult to have a nice time and be happy? Let no emotions and unworthy thoughts interfere.

Before you knew it, the bathroom door opened and Arthur came out. His hair was still wet, droplets of water threatening to fall over his bare chest. The towel wrapped around his waist strongly.Oh god you thought. He walked to his desk, his back to you, he hadn't realized you were now awake. You tried not to stare at him, it was probably weird. You made strong efforts, believe it, to look away from the intoxicating body in front of you.

He changed in some sports clothes, you noticed, what? Where is he going? He can't leave you here. Why would he go? You wanted to stop him, ask him why he would just walk out on you, after what he promised in the middle of the night. You were supposed to tell him things and talk to him and maybe even apologize, but he was now walking away.

as heavy as the feeling might be in your chest, you really, from the bottom of your heart wanted to tell him that you really didn't mean what you said, and you hoped he didn't either. maybe, just maybe you would apologize, but you were too proud sometimes.

did he really just want to leave? Did he want to forget all that happened?Did he want to forget you? Oh no the thought crumbled your heart, no no no he can't leave you insisted to yourself.

As soon as he was reaching for the door you stood up, in a rapid and silent maner. Stil draped in his bed sheets. He flinched and turned to you, his wet hair swinging water drops, he pulled it back, out of the way. No emotion over his eyes, it intimidated you. How could he seem as if nothing is going on?

He was waiting for you to say something, you jumped up from the bed for a reason, but you couldn't seem to get out anything, what was there to say? Stay, don't leave me. No! Those weren't the words.