Land of the Lost

Chapter 5

Frank has already lost sense of time, and doesn't know how long he's been sitting in the middle of an empty library when someone comes and sits on the chair across from him.

He looks up from his book, and sees Gerard there.

And he can't control it, just seeing him makes him smile.

'Hi,' Gerard says with his shy smile. Frank tries to say something but nothing comes up. 'Is it okay if I sit here?'

'Yeah – uh – of course.' He knows he's blushing, but he doesn't know how to control that, so he covers his face, pretending he's tired, and goes back to his research. But it's hard when he knows Gerard is looking.

Not that Frank isn't looking too. Because he is.

He keeps looking up, seeing him focused on whatever he's drawing, his tongue sticking out, and the thoughts going on in his head are running wild, so he has to go back to his book before it gets worse.

A couple hours later, he has barely written a couple paragraphs because he spent the entire time looking at Gerard. 'Let's go,' Gerard tells him. 'It's late.'

Frank looks up at him, not wanting to get excited that he cares about him staying up this late, or wanting to spend time with him, but there's nothing he wants more than to spend all his time with Gerard so he puts his stuff away and follows him outside the building, and then to the dorms. And he hugs Frank again before leaving, but this time, Frank hugs back, feeling more comfortable, and not wanting to let go. 'See you tomorrow?'

'Yeah,' Frank mumbles and walks in his building.

Then, the next day Frank can't help it and keeps checking the door waiting for Gerard to come. He's nervous as hell, and when Gerard finally walks in, the knot on Frank's stomach gets bigger, and he feels like he's melting.

The older student greets him as usual, and takes his seat. They go on with their homework, not talking, just sharing looks here and there, though they can barely focus, and at some point, a paper ball hits Frank in his head, and he looks up to find Gerard smiling at him.

Fuck.

Frank wonders if this how it feels to be attracted to someone. Like completely lost for someone. He can't think anymore.

He keeps thinking about Gerard's smile and his voice, and how he talks with his mouth a little crooked, and he can't pay attention to his lectures anymore. Instead of listening to his Biology class, he makes up scenarios in his head where he and Gerard are holding hands and going on dates. And he hates himself for it because he knows he's hopeless and most likely Gerard doesn't see him that way and he just needs a friend.

Which is fine by him. He had accepted a long time ago that he'd be alone forever because no one likes the nerdy kid with glasses.

Yet, he keeps writing poetry in loose pages, dreaming about holding Gerard's hand.

And every day that week, they meet in the library, and Gerard makes little drawings for him, and Frank adds speech bubbles and makes up full conversations between the characters. And every night, Gerard walks him to his dorm, and hugs him goodbye.

'See you Monday?' Frank asks.

'You won't be here tomorrow?' Frank isn't sure if Gerard looks sad that he won't see him over the weekend.

He shakes his head. 'I go home every weekend. To see my dog. And my mom, I guess. Do my laundry and eat real food.'

'I get you. You live in Jersey?'

Frank nods. 'Belleville.'

'Are you kidding me? Me too!' Gerard says with a smile, all excited. The younger man can't help blush. 'Have fun at home, then. I'll miss you.'