Ella ○ Harry Potter

Fifty Five: Check Mate

"So I'm standing there, sweating like a hooker in a church, and then he turns to look straight at my ass--"

"Why aren't you all sleeping yet?" Arthur Weasley wondered, entering the kitchen to see the Noisey Gang (as they referred to them now; Tonks, the twins, Sirius, Ella and at times, Remus) sitting there and laughing.

"Sit down, Arthur, Sirius is getting to the good part," Tonks stated, and grinned towards her cousin.

"Okay," Sirius smiled, going on as Arthur pulled a chair. "So anyway, my leg is sissying and it's super hairy, and James is over there at the side not wearing a shirt with a strip of wax in the middle, and he is looking at me! Like, straight at my ass, and my dress is like, ripped up, and then-"

"And then I wanted to kill myself," Remus cut him off, "because I walked into the classroom and saw Flitwick there suddenly, and realized that in my absence of seven minutes Sirius and James did... that."

"No, wait!" Sirius called out, "you ruined the story!"

"You ruined my life."

Ella hopped off from her seat between the two and threw an arm around Remus' shoulder, "c'mon babe, you're into that."

"Are you two never gonna let go of what I said?"

"You are in love with one of us," Sirius said simply. "So might as well tell us which of us; we're both willing to ta--"

"Hold on," Fred started. "What happened with the dress though?"

"A Nile monitor ate it," Ella informed as she plopped back down in her seat.

"What?"

"That never happened."

"Wait, did you end up getting an O in the exam though?" Tonks wondered.

"And how was James a Head-boy with all of those incidents?" George questioned.

"Yeah, most professors saw him missing an article of clothing at some point," Remus sighed, "but he was a really charismatic fellow," he informed. "Arthur, you remember, right?"

"Yeah, when he wanted someone to like him, this someone liked him."

"I like his butt."

"Ella, you never knew him," Arthur pointed out.

"I knew his soul," she said very seriously, when Sirius shook his head. 

"She has his soul," he corrected.

"I'll have your soul if you keep annoying me," Ella warned, when Sirius stood up and sat on her. "YOU'RE HEAVY!"

"You're annoying!"

"I'm gonna head to bed," Remus announced. "I reccomend you all too," he walked off as the two wrestled a bit with whether or not Sirius sits on top. "This will end in a war."

"War?" the twins grinned widely. "Let us begin!"

"Keep the war quiet, okay boys?" Arthur stood up. "Good night," he waved off. 

"Am I a boy?" Tonks raised her head to the sky, wondering. 

"I am," Sirius stated, farting. 

"PADFOOT!" Ella hit his shoulder, when a wave of smell hit her nose, "why does your fart smell like actual flowers?"

"It's jasmine," Sirius stated proudly. "I found a cool spell."

"Your farts smell like flowers?" Fred wondered.

"So, you can make your farts smell like anything?" George continued, and a wicked glint in the eyes of the twins was something to beware of.

"Sirius and Ella are the Evil Duo, the war will begin in five minutes. Begin!" Tonks announced suddenly, taking off. The twins disappeared with a Crack and left Sirius and Ella on their own.

Sirius stood up, allowing Ella to finally breathe. "I don't know if I should be disgusted or not with the fact you farted on me."

"I did it to my ex as well, and I didn't know the spell yet. So I would take it as a compliment, I only fart on people I like."

"So you never fart on yourself?"

"Who farts on themselves?"

"Technically, all farts are on thyself."

"Shut up," Sirius waved off, and turned to look at the ceiling. "Wanna go and speak to Kreacher?"

"Sure," Ella shrugged, and grabbed his hand. He pulled her to her feet and the two walked off to the kitchen, where Kreacher was walking back and forth and muttering to himself.

Kreacher was ancient. He was long past "old" and straight into fossil territory in Ella's mind. He seemed so brittle and fragile, until he opened his mouth, and then he seemed like a crazy old neighbor you try and dodge your whole life.

A bit like Filch, then, which made Ella fond of bugging him.

"'Ello Kreacher," Ella greeted, making him grunt. "How are you doing this fine evening?"

His mutters were too low to hear properly, but the Evil Duo could make out clearly "stupid," "won't stop" and "master".

"I've got a little question, Kreacher. Are you a campfire?"

"A vampire? He's a house-elf, Ella," Sirius corrected. Kreacher looked at the two, and took off in a hurry, leaving the two- who didn't notice his disapearance. "That's a weird question, even for you."

"I asked him if he's a campfire, not a vampire."

"Oh, okay, but he isn't."

"Yeah, but then I need to explain why I asked it, and I asked it because he is super hot, and I want s'more."

Sirius looked at her blankly for a moment before he grinned. "Fuck me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, no?"

Ella laughed, and threw her arm around Sirius' shoulder. "Okay, I'm so glad I have my library card- because I am gonna check you out."

"I may not be a photographer, but I can totally picture us together, babe."

"Let's head to bed, Padfoot," Ella yawned. "I'm cold."

"Well, I'm here to warm you up girl."

"We're done with pick-up lines for the night, honey," Ella waved him off.

"Good, I ran out of them," he shrugged, and the two hurried up the stairs to get ready to sleep in until a responsible adult would wake them up.

Fred, George and Tonks exchanged a look as they watched the two.

"Think they forgot we're playing?" Fred wondered, but Tonks shook her head.

"They're messing with us." Tonks assured, "let's stay vigilant."

"Good idea, Tonks," George nodded, and the trio stayed hidden, preparing for the night.

::

Sirius turned to face his best friend, who was laying on a mattress they bought when they were drunk, the first night Ella got to the house. 

"Aren't we forgetting something?"

Ella thought for a moment, before shrugging and yawning. "Maybe the twins told us something? I dunno, don't care."

"Yeah. We'll deal with them tomorrow."

"You're right, Padfoot. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Prongs."

::

i have no real reason for disappearing

idk

got into some personal messes tbh, not sure what the right steps are, but i was also a bit sick, and idk

just kinda bad vibes situation