Tucker: Church! Church! Hey, Church!
Church: I'm right behind you dumbass.
Tucker: Oh.
The Blues were outside the fortress.
Tucker: Hey, Church, do you have a knife?
Church: No. That's a weapon dude, ask Tex or Ruby.
Tucker: She said she had something to take care of and Ruby went with her. . . "Girl stuff" I think.
Church: Huh? Like what?
Tucker: I don't know. I stopped asking questions at "girl stuff."
Church: What are you two guys doing?
Tucker: We're going to teach the alien how to speak English.
The alien stood before a wall with a large paper attached to it that was labeled 'English 101.'
Church: How are you gonna do that?
Tucker: People learn english all the time, it aren't that hard.
Church: Maybe you should try learning his language.
Tucker: Fuck that. We got here first, and that makes this a colony! Those are the rules dude. Earth colony, Earth language.
Church: Tucker, there's thousands of other languages spoken on Earth.
Tucker: Yeah, but only one that kicks ass! And that's the one we're teaching! English 101, remedial kick ass!
Church: Alright, there is no way this is gonna work.
Tucker: Yeah it is, we got visual aids and everything.
Church: Where the hell did you get those?
Tucker: We made them. Turns out Caboose's gun didn't have any bullets, it was loaded with crayons. I just need to cut one of these things. Do you have a pocket knife?
Church: Hey, if you need to cut something why don't you just use that big sword of yours?
Tucker: Oh right. Duh.
The aqua soldier equipped the hilt and ignited the blue blade!
Honk-honk: Blarrg?
It spotted the sword.
Honk-honk: RAWWR!
It smacked Tucker to the ground and continued to beat the absolute crap out of the poor guy.
Tucker: Ow! What the fuck?! Ow!
Church: Man. . . Tucker, that thing really hates that sword or really hates you!
It was still hitting him.
Tucker: Get this fucking thing off me!
The sound of a second ignition filled their ears!
Ruby: Hey! Back off!
The alien spotted her crimson blade!
Honk-honk: B-Bl-Blargh?!
It jumped back and hid behind a nearby rock.
Ruby: Uh. . . what?
Tucker: What the hell just happened. . .?
Church: Trust me Tucker, I'm just as confused.
After a brief explanation, the magenta girl came up with a theory.
Ruby: Well, I guess it wants the blue sword and is. . . scared of the red one?
Tucker: I don't fucking care if it's scared of the red one or not, I'm bleeding from three different places!
YOU ARE READING
Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Four
FanfictionRed Vs Blue, but with a twist! Following O'Malley's defeat at the hands of the Great Destroyer, the Reds returned to Blood Gulch, the Great Destroyer was actually an alien with one heck of a score to settle, the talking bomb got more of an attitude...
