Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Four

Chapter 19 Two For One

Tucker: Oh God. . . I think it's coming back. . . BLAAGH!

Tucker was with it the base while everyone else was outside.

Doc: Okay everybody, I'm going to give Tucker his physical now. Would either of you like to assist?

O'Malley: That's just a fancy way of saying "hold the vomit bucket." *evil laughs*

Church: Uh, sorry I'm busy.

Doc: Caboose?

Caboose: I can't.

Doc: Well, why not?

Caboose: Oh, because uhhh, I am allergic to things that I don't want to do. . . *coughs* Coughing.

Doc: Okay! Just more fun for me!

The three were being spied on by the Reds.

Sarge: Well, you won't believe this. It looks like the Blues have teamed up with O'Malley. Those dirty backstabbers.

Grif: Our enemies teamed up with our enemy, how is that a backstab?

Sarge: Exactly! No good two-timers! Alright men, let's get in there and acquire that exploding translator thing so we can figure out what Lopez is saying.

Lopez: (Spanish) You're just going to be disappointed.

Sarge: I agree Lopez, time is of the essence.

Lopez: (Spanish) Why do you bother replying if you don't know what I'm saying?

Sarge: Heh heh heh. Good one, amigo.

Lopez: (Spanish) Oh god, someone please kill me.

Sarge: I see the bomb. He's right next to Caboose.

Grif: Which one was he again? I get confused. Is he the stupid mean one, the stupid annoying one, or the stupid stupid one?

Simmons: Stupid stupid.

Grif: Oh yeah, right. What an idiot!

Simmons: Yeah, totally.

Donut: Sarge, I hate to point out the obvious, but since we can see them with the sniper rifle, why don't we just shoot 'em?

Sarge: Shame on you, Donut! A sniper rifle's a cowards weapon.

He took out his shotgun.

Sarge: When you kill your enemy, you wanna look in his eyes so he knows you're the one who beat him to death! It also gives you a chance to deliver some really zippy one-liners. Like, "I hope you brought your wallet, because the rent in hell gets paid in advance!"

Grif: *sighs Oh my god.

Sarge: Or my personal favorite, "You just got Sarged." *chuckles* Classic.

Grif: Oh right, I'm pretty sure Ruby's friends with those guys now.

Simmons: Yeah, she'd either be pissed or really sad if we killed them.

Sarge: That too. But it only makes winning this war all the more satisfying when we win without having to kill! We get to resort to all sorts of diabolical torture tactics!

Simmons: I'm pretty sure she'd be mad if we did that too.

Sarge: Dangnabbit! What if we put them comas?

The orange and maroon soldiers sighed.

Simmons: Okay, what was the plan Sarge?

Sarge: You fellas stay here. I'm going to head up there with Lopez and get that device. Get it Lopez? 'Head up there.' Score two for Sarge! Ding ding!