Church: Ugh, I don't believe this.
Doc: It's true, your friend Tucker's pregnant. See? My little gizmo lights up green to indicate pregnancy.
The two were inside the Blue base.
Church: I thought it lights up green to indicate flesh wounds.
Doc: Yeah, also that.
Church: And infectious diseases.
Doc: Yeah, it lights up green for just about everything. It takes a while to figure out the difference.
He charged the device.
Doc: Like this green, indicates a high level of anger stimming from suppressed feelings of inadequacies.
Church: If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm gonna fucking smash it.
Doc: And this green means impotency. Oops, that green causes impotency. My bad Church.
Church: Oh that's okay, I wasn't using it anyway.
Doc: See? These tools can be confusing sometimes, that's why doctors have to go to school for so long. Not that I'm actually a doctor, mind you.
Church: And that's never been more apparent than with this diagnosis.
Tucker: What diagnosis?
The aqua soldier stood up with a groan.
Doc: Congratulations Tucker, you're pregnant.
O'Malley: *evil laughs* With bastard. *laughs again*
Tucker: It's not mine, I wasn't even in town that weekend.
Church: Tucker, don't listen to him, he's a lunatic, man. He's got no idea what he's talking about.
Doc: Uh, you want me to go over the green light thing again?
Caboose then rushed into the base holding a skull!
Caboose: Doctor, help! My second best friend is dead! Fix him.
Church: Woah woah woah, Caboose, what happened? Who's dead?
Caboose: Andy, Andy's dead. Look!
Church: Okay, that's disgusting.
Caboose: Doctor Doc, please help him.
Doc: Uh, I don't know what I can really do to help him, my first aid procedures aren't very effective after decomposition.
Church: Where did you get that?
Caboose: First Tucker dies and now Andy!
Doc: Tucker isn't dead, he's pregnant.
Tucker: It's not mine, we weren't even going steady!
Church: Stop that.
Tucker: Hey look man, I've been saying that for a long time, it's going to take a while to get used to this.
Church: You're not pregnant!
Caboose: I was just standing outside the base and someone told me to turn around, and when I did. . . .
Church: Woah wait, who told you to turn around?
Caboose: I don't know! But they were very helpful.
Church: Annnd, let me guess, when you turned back around Andy was gone.
Caboose: Yes, he was. . . gone.
Church: *sighs* Everybody stay here, I'll be right back.
Doc: Wait! What do you want me to do about the pregnant guy?
YOU ARE READING
Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Four
FanfictionRed Vs Blue, but with a twist! Following O'Malley's defeat at the hands of the Great Destroyer, the Reds returned to Blood Gulch, the Great Destroyer was actually an alien with one heck of a score to settle, the talking bomb got more of an attitude...
