Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Four

Chapter 16 Under the Weather

Within the Blue base, Tucker groaned painfully. His teammates stood just outside the entrance.

Church: Man, he sounds terrible.

Caboose: Yeah, he's been like that since the swamp.

Church: Swamp? You guys were at a swamp.

Caboose: Yeah, it was dark and swampy. I WASN'T SCARED AT ALL.

Church: Is this why you guys came home so fast?

Caboose: No. . . we came home because the alien died. . . and because the glowing sword turned out to be a glowing key.

Church: Yeah, a glowing key that can stab people.

Caboose: Right.

Church: So it is a sword! It just happens to function like a key in very specific situations.

Caboose: Or it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death.

Church: Goddamn man, I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes.

Caboose: Yeah, I have a really good time.

Church: *chuckles* Yeah, seems like it. You know, I don't think I'd get anything done, but I probably wouldn't care that much.

They then heard Tucker groan even more.

Church: Hey Tucker, are you okay?

Tucker: Why don't you guys come in here?

Church: Uh, because it might be contagious and 'cause we've got to think about the health of the unit as a whole. . . I came up with that pretty fast.

Caboose: And because you threw up ten minutes ago! And that's just gross!

Church: Hey wait a second, you don't think that sword-

Caboose: You mean the key?

Church: No, I mean the sword. You don't suppose that sword is making him sick, do you?

Caboose: I don't see how, it hasn't sneezed once.

Church: We don't know anything about it though. Maybe it runs on radiation and is poisoning him.

Caboose: OR maybe it runs on Solar Power!

Church: Why would Solar Power make him sick?

Caboose: . . .is he a republican?

*With the Reds*

The fake Blue was still looking up at his old allies.

Simmons: Okay listen guys, do you want important information about the war or don't you?

Grif: I don't know man, this is a pretty exclusive club we got here. If we let one Blue guy in, we might have to let the next one in. AND the next one! And then there goes the neighborhood.

Donut: Yeah! Pretty soon we'll have to let in women, and who wants them?

Sarge, Grif, and Simmons looked at him blankly.

Donut: Oh riiight. . . Ruby.

Simmons: Anyways, I'm sure the Blues are using the information right now to plot for an attack against us!

*With the Blues*

Tucker threw up once again.

Church: That better have been in your bucket!

Caboose: I'll get the mop.

*Back with the Reds*

Grif: Well you can forget it. You heard Sarge, there's no way we're letting you in the base dressed like that!