Should He Matter? (BXB)

Chapter 3 - Luke

Luke Reynolds

I've run out of things to talk about. I don't know how, since I always have something. 

Silently, I stare at Trevor, begging myself to say something.

All I want to do is ask him if he's okay or if he wants to talk. 

Anything to hear his voice. 

But... I know better. I'd rather hear his silence than a lie. Plus, asking him if he's okay would just be plain stupid, and I highly doubt he wants to talk.

I mean, after all, what is there to be said? 

I turn away, staring out my window as I force myself to push that thought away; it sounds too much like something Adrien would say.

Why is it that everything I want to talk about seems to be off-limits?

I mess up enough when it comes to Adrien, I don't want to start messing up with Trevor too.

But how do I help when they won't let me?

It's not healthy keeping things bottled up, but how am I supposed to talk to them when neither one is willing to listen?

Even if they did listen, would I know what to say?

Just thinking about all this makes my head hurt.

I need to talk to someone. I've never been good at keeping anything bottled up.

But who do I have to talk to? 

For the first time in my life, I don't feel like I can talk to Trevor.

"Talk," Trevor says gently, breaking the silence. 

It's the first time he's initiated a conversation with me today.

Now how do I keep him talking?

I turn myself towards him, "What do you want me to talk about?" I ask, carefully checking for any reactions as I fiddle with the seatbelt. 

His jaw clenches slightly for a split second before asking, "What's on your mind?" 

"Nothing much." I reply, anything I do want to talk about is off limits.

"Luke."

"Yeah?"

I watch him tighten his grip on the steering wheel a little, "I- I know you're not doing well right now and I wish I could do more, be there more but I just don't have it in me. I'm just trying to get through each day, wake up, school, basketball, home... I'm thankful for everything you're doing, being there but also allowing me space. But I know you miss the three of us being together. It's okay if you want to reach out to Adrien."

A part of me feels relieved at the fact that he noticed that I wasn't doing okay. But I feel pathetic at the smidge of happiness it brings me that Trevor sees me even when he's going through so much. I can't even begin to imagine what he must be feeling. 

I try to be there for him as much as I can without being overbearing, but sometimes I just don't know what the right balance is. 

And I hate to admit it but it's getting to me now. 

I need someone there for me. 

I need someone I can lean on. 

Because I can't go through this alone. I've tried it and it's just not working.

But regardless, I'm not reaching out to Adrien. After the stunt he pulled, I'm more than okay with cutting ties at this point. And to think he hasn't even attempted to make things right.