Should He Matter? (BXB)

Chapter 18 - Trevor

*Mention of sexual assault - may be triggering for some readers (have indicated where to stop reading below).*

Trevor Chidubem

Luke had fallen asleep whilst we were playing video games. He fell asleep with his head resting on my arm but I moved his body so he was laying on the sofa with his head in my lap.  

I'm trying to focus on Tenet, but I can feel Adrien's eyes on me. He's been staring at me for the past 30 minutes, but I've been trying to ignore him. He'll speak up when he's ready. But it's fucking annoying. 

He sighs for the fourth time and my resolve is very close to snapping. 

Is he overthinking his petty arguments with Luke?

They always argue about the stupidest of shit. 

But he has been strangely quiet since Luke asked about Ethan, which I knew was a very slippery slope. 

Only when he sighs for the fifth fucking time, do I finally ask, "Wanna talk about it?" 

His eyes go wide as he realises I've caught him staring because he was being very fucking discreet. 

"Talk about what?" He asks scrunching up my eyebrows, which is his tell-tale sign of I want to talk about it but need some probing, 

"Whatever you're thinking about, and don't tell me it's nothing 'cause you wouldn't be glaring so hard if it was," I reply staring right back at him. 

He stays silent, anxiously wringing his hands whilst avoiding eye contact.  

"Is it about Luke or Ethan?" I ask, "Or both?" 

He glances back at me, "How'd you know?" 

This time it's me who sighs, "Because I fucking know you Adrien, have we not already established that?"

Adrien picks up on my little patience and thankfully jumps right to an explanation, "Luke's changed, I mean we all have, but what if he realises I don't fit in with that change you know? Like we're all growing up, and interests and shit change, and what if I don't grow in the same direction as Luke? Or you? You two have an unbreakable bond, but I'm the odd one out, what if you both decide that you don't need a third wheeler?" 

I see the unshed tears gather in his eyes and rub a hand over my face. 

Always the therapist. 

I know Adrien always acts like a confident, selfish, bratty American jock, but he's riddled with self-confidence issues and insecurities. 

"Adrien, man," big sigh, "Stop being an absolute dick to yourself. Luke has barely been okay for the past few months, not just because of Charlie but also 'cause he didn't have you. And to be honest with you, I haven't been alright without you either. So reach out to us, alright?" 

He nods as a stray tear escapes, "Sometimes the thoughts in my head get too much and I just think it's best if I distance myself or just leave."

He nervously scratches at his left arm, another sign this is getting a bit much for him to process right now, "I know man, I know. Which is why I'm not holding it against you, okay? I get that it gets too much at times, but you still need to communicate that with us." 

He nods again, staying silent. 

"So what's going on with Ethan?" I ask in hopes that the topic change will ease his mind.

He looks guiltier than before when responding, "I'm sorry for not warning you about Ethan being over yesterday, honestly it completely slipped my mind that he was staying over."