Should He Matter? (BXB)

Chapter 20 - Adrien

Adrien Walker 

Trevor carried Luke to bed around 30 minutes ago. I can't seem to get off the couch and head to bed myself. 

Trevor and Luke may not have spent much time together since the summer, but they're still incredibly close. For most of the evening, I couldn't help but feel like a third wheel, an outsider. 

Luke no longer claims to be a pescatarian. 

Trevor doesn't seem to be eating. 

Luke fell asleep around 8 pm, usually, he's the one falling asleep at 4 am. 

Trevor, who would usually be the first one to call it a night didn't seem at all tired. I guess he isn't sleeping either. 

But this is grief, everyone goes through it differently. 

Sighing I throw my head back. 

I thought today would go better, I thought things would fall back into place.

I am an idiot.

Things don't just magically go back to being okay. Especially not when there's a part of us missing. 

I stare at the white ceiling, feeling emptier and sadder than usual.

A part of us died when Charlie did, the part of us that only Charlie could bring out. Luke's carefree, bubbly side, and his playful and cheeky nature, especially when they worked on pranking Trevor and me. There was always a certain gentleness to Trevor that only Charlie could bring out, his soft tone and happy laughter. And that smile whenever he looked at Charlie, the one that clearly showed that Trevor thought of him as the best gift the universe had given him. Trevor centred his world around Charlie, ensuring that any commitments he made would never take away too much of his time from Charlie. Trevor has never loved anyone as deeply and fiercely as he does Charlie. 

Charlie will forever have a place in our hearts and minds. 

I start feeling suffocated sitting in the living room, quietly I exit the house and sit on the front porch. The cold wind bites at my skin, making me pull my hoodie over my nose. 

The sky littered with hundreds if not thousands of stars has me smiling, this is the only positive of living in a small town. There's a certain type of tranquillity to sitting under a sky filled with stars. 

The stars always remind me of Charlie and Trevor. Trevor is obsessed with galaxies, stars, the universe, and space. Charlie's bedtime stories were always about galaxies and the mysteries of space and the universe. Trevor built Charlie the treehouse so they could star gaze better, even saved up for a year to buy a pretty neat telescope. And because Trevor was obsessed, Charlie was automatically invested. 

It came as no surprise when Trevor decided he wants to study either astrophysics or astronomy. But I don't even know if he wants to continue with it, will it remind him too much of Charlie? But it could be a way for him to continue to feel close to Charlie. 

The sound of Ma's car pulls me out of my thoughts, I'd know that exhaust anywhere. I've told her so many times that she needs a new car, but she's adamant about keeping the waste of metal. 

"Addy!" 

Not a second later I'm wrapped up in her arms. 

"Aww, I've missed you my little Addy!" She exclaims squeezing me tightly. 

"Ma you saw me like 2 weeks ago."

"2 and a half. And that's far too long!" She still won't let go of me.

"Ma you're suffocating me."

"Oh hush, you won't die."

I laugh at that, "Pretty certain people have died of suffocation, but alright."